- "a sudden, powerful and often spiritual or life-changing realization one experiences in an otherwise ordinary moment"
While riding the bus today (Thursday being my usual day off) it really hit me hard how much I missed my mini me. This was our "outing" day, ya know, pay bills, Wally world visits, lunch, just all around hang out type of day. *sigh* No more of those days to come as my baby girl (much as it pains me) is no longer my baby girl but my beautiful young adult of whom I am EVER so proud! Her move back home (despite how much she loves and will miss her older brother and nieces) was to make her next move to further her future/life and become the adult she is supposed to be.
This bus ride in solitude on a crowded bus made me realize how ALONE I was. I realized how I'd put my life on pause for my children. I mean, I chose not to date anyone in order to focus on my children, to include grand-children, they didn't ask me to. At times I think they prayed and WISHED I had someone, it would keep me out of their business! *LOL* I didn't want to feel like I was putting anyone before my LEGACY nor did I want my mate to feel like I wasn't giving him the love and attention he deserved. Astrology says GEMINI's are great at multi-tasking but on THIS here subject I missed the multi-tasking ship! LOL
BUT was that a bad thing? I mean, did I hurt myself in the long run by doing so because it seems even now I just can NOT get it together when it comes to this dating thing. At 41 you're supposed to be settled, right? You're supposed to be in the career you were meant to be in, right? You're supposed to have that "LOVE" thing on lock, right? WRONG!!! Pipe dreams and the life of that perfect marriage and white picket fence seem to be null and void these days.
I look at the break-ups before marriage (smart) and the ever increasing divorce rates and wonder do people even value relationships like they used to. *SMH* Maybe that's why I am ALONE, that man who has those old school values has not come along. A lot of that is my fault though...why? Because I have been a PROUD team leader for
for some time now and though I love a cub most don't have old school values because most are not raised with someone that has old school values. If I want to continue to "play" I can remain RIGHT WHERE I AM, in COUGAR-land but if I am to move on and be able to live happily ever after with those old school values (not too old school though) I will have to move on. My great days of fun in the sun with the cub of the week ends today! No more asking
and hearing the purrs roll off the tongue. *(I am cracking myself up here)* In all seriousness, this is just another part of my MISSION IMPOSSIBLE with the REINVENTION of ME!! As painful as it is, it must be done so to all my cubs who read this...it was FUN and the memories shall last FOREVER!
No comments:
Post a Comment