Opinions can kill a vibe!

Today I made what I felt was a simple post on Facebook, it said "Females who get mad at the dude they are dating because he helps his children's mother are the REAL definition of a THOT!" Really, as my daughter so politely commented, they are more of a dumb ass than a thot. Now let me set the tone which I did not have to do on Facebook because I know what I meant and that is that but the thing about social media is once you post ANYTHING you open up discussion for others to offer their opinions. Let me say, just because we don't agree doesn't mean we don't like each other and I cannot, should not deny any sense you may make in your opinion either. With that said, I feel my post was misinterpreted to fit the opinions of others and when that happens it can create rifts in energy making some look bitter and unhappy! I had to ask

I recently had a conversation with a young lady who is pregnant with her second child, both children are by the same young man. This second pregnancy is nothing like the first, she has had multiple complications and as with any co-creation, assistance is often needed. The issue here is that she and the children's father are not together any longer. He barely does anything for the first child and now there is a second child on the way. This isn't a blog about bad choices but how to deal with what's left after the bad choices have been made. Now the father is in a new relationship with a young lady who seems to have jealousy issues. If he does anything for/with the mother for the sake of the children (born and unborn) there's an issue, so much to the point the young man will hang up on the mother/child to prevent from hearing the girlfriends mouth. I was taken back a little at the fact that a man will let another female dictate what he does for his children and their mother. That says a lot about the father as well and not in a good way.

This is what inspired the post and some of the responses truly had me floored. As I said above I did not disclose what prompted my post and did not feel I had to but for the sake of the blog I have. There are several participants on this post but the first one was from a female friend of mine. She, we'll call her female friend #1, said "They should be helping the child and what they need not the mother and her needs." My thought as soon as I read it was how do you just help a child without helping the mother? I am a mother of two and if I received any assistance for them it benefit the entire household. I had another friend add " I have to agree with friend 1 ... do for your child ONLY!!! The child's mother is in NO WAY his responsibility." Again, I am thinking about the reason for my post and my own personal experience as a mother could not wrap my brain around how you help the child(ren) ONLY and not help the mother. Not only that but how an intelligent woman could date a man who does not actively help out with this children. I am not talking about paying rent or bills as this young lady has that on lock. I don't and won't date a man with children under the age of 18, my personal preference, but I will say no matter the age of the children I watch how a man interacts and treats his children. If he is a piss poor father there is no way he can be that great of a man, that's just my opinion. I am not referencing men who are kept from their children by the mothers, that's another blog in itself but those who have ALL ACCESS and won't use it, that's truly

I had three male friends chime in and for the most part they all agreed if their children's mother needed help they would do what was needed. Male friend #1 is not going out like a punk but a real man. He is down for whatever it takes to make sure his child is good. In my opinion, that's what a real man does. Female friend #1 made a comment on male friend #2 comment about the mother utilizing resources like the bus or cabs if she needed to go anywhere and stop being prideful. It's not the fathers responsibility to run her around basically to which I responded "Why should she when her child's father has a car? That's not prideful that's shared responsibility." That's just stupid to me! Why should the mother of your children have to do any of that if you, as a father, have a car and are free to assist in getting her to prenatal appointments, food shopping or taking your child to school and picking her up? Male friend #2 responded "Noooo....if you have custody then you get the child wherever they need to go. It can't be selective shared responsibility. Just because i have a car doesn't mean I am an Uber. When you have custody you have assumed more responsibility over the welfare of the child." I respectfully agreed to disagree but that did not sit well with me at all and it doesn't matter, he's not a father of my children.

So let me bring this to a close, had my two female friends with the strong opinions of how a man shouldn't do anything for the mother, ONLY the children, said "it depends on the situation" it may not have come off so harsh sounding but they were sounding bitter and one of my male friends made reference to that. I agree 100% with them, no man should have to totally support the mother of his children if she is able bodied but just not doing anything. I agree with a father taking full time custodial duties if the mother can't properly take care of the child(ren) but honestly, how many men will step up to the plate on that? Lets be honest. There was a strong assumption that my post was all inclusive of paying the mothers bills and anything else SHE needs when it was only about the needs of the children, born and unborn and of course with the unborn that means the mother has to be involved. No getting around that.

What about my character would make anyone think I would side with a woman who is a piss poor mother? My son's father wasn't there for us so I had to handle parenting for both roles. I won't give ANY female who doesn't take care of her responsibilities a break and will gladly side with the new girlfriend but this was not the case. What it really all boils down to is if you don't want to have to deal with these types of issues at all

So now, I ask a new group of readers

What is your opinion on this matter? I am actually asking for it this time and you have the benefit of knowing the reason being the post. Hope to get some feed back.