I truly can't describe how I am feeling this morning. I was awaken out of my sleep by strong, random thoughts of "what am I supposed to be doing today"? I sat straight up in my bed, looked around the room, squinted to see the time on the clock and thought what AM I supposed to be doing today?!? :-/
It's as if the trauma of my #TEAMNATURAL move had totally moved in and taken over! All that once was there seem to have gone, by way of thought processing I mean. It took me all of 10-15 minutes, a trip to the bathroom, a light oil of the hair and brushing *record scratching noise* MY HAIR...IT'S ALL GONE!!!
WHOA...would you take a look at me?!?! WOW...natural beauty...this is going to be my true test of strength, endurance, courage and a show of rather or not I really do NOT wear my feelings on my sleeve!
My daughter told me that I will gets LOTS of comments like "who are you supposed to be? India Arie? Jill Scott?" Or better yet Amber Rose since I am blonde with it. And then the ALL TIME favorite "what, you're gay now?" Simple type ishness like that and more but if she can endure it and get through it then gosh darn it so can I!!!
I can't help but wonder how this will effect my re-entry into the dating game though and here's why: when my son was about 8 or 9 I used to keep my hair cut "barbershop low" (so this isn't my 1st natural) and apparently it bothered him. I never knew that but he made it PERFECTLY clear when he said as clearly and loudly as he could in the middle of a packed barbershop on a Saturday morning "Ma...I want a mommy and a daddy, not 2 daddy's"! *record scratches again* I didn't know what to say as EVERY man, woman and child turned to look at us...speechless I tell ya! My son is now 22 years of age and serving 66 months in a Florida state prison *pray for him please* and I wonder will that 8 or 9 year old boy show up at his visitation tomorrow...you will surely find out!
That little episode has surely stayed with me all these years and my thought process is as a child if he has that type of mind set (mommy's have hair, daddy's don't) how many men my age were that way coming up and are still trapped in the 'European mans definition of a woman' frame of mind? Are there any real, strong brothers out there truly ready to embrace a woman for her inner strengths and natural beauty without letting her hair or the lack there of define who she is and is to be?
This MISSION IMPOSSIBLE is turning into a POSSIBLE MISSION daily and with the first step complete I am well on my way. I don't intend on questioning the situations that come along with decisions I make during my journey, I simply intend on embracing them, facing them and going to my FATHER in prayer about them.
One of my favorite scriptures (book of Romans I believe) says "A MAN THAT FINDETH A GOOD WIFE FINDETH A GOOD THING" so with that said I will sit back and enjoy the 'REDEFINITION OF ME'!!!
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