Love your journey - #Locdfor50

Hello Loc fam and other beautiful people. This past Saturday was such an awesome hair day. One of the African customers at my job, a very good friend and one of my online sister friends made my entire day. They all complimented me so passionately on my loc journey. My heart was smiling and I felt great. It has not been a full month yet, 10/26 is the month mark, and I have so much new growth already.

I swear, that whole ugly stage that everyone spoke/speaks of does not seem it exist for me. I am sure it is all in how you own your journey. And to think, I truly considered having loc extensions installed. I am so glad I did not. I am not knocking them at all, everyone's journey is different but doing it this way seems so much more fulfilling.

I know one thing, had anyone told me this loc life was so dope I would have joined it years ago. Well, at least by the fourth year of my eight year natural journey which has also been awesome.

I will do my first re-twist after my month mark. I can not wait to see my growth. I am excited.

There is NO ugly stage - #Locdfor50

I used to ask my barber all the time how do these young men get these full heads of healthy looking hair and he said "they leave it alone." I did not quite get it at first because I am thinking the scalp must be moist and hair follicles stimulated for growth and the hair attended to for the prevention of breakage. It was not until I began this loc journey that I overstood what he told me. It has not been a full month since my coils were done yet there is so much growth in the bush (my old teenie weenie afro saying)!! I simply water my hair like flowers with the best oils, retwist where I see needed and try my best to leave them alone otherwise. My daughter fusses at me constantly, like SHE'S the mother, about keeping my hands out of my head. It is hard but I am getting the hang of it because the more I leave it alone, the more it grows.

I can not contain my excitement for these starter locs. I remember thinking "I don't want to go through the ugly stage" and wanted to get loc extensions installed. (see previous blog - Loc'd for 50) After researching that option and finding out 1.) human hair MEANT HUMAN HAIR and 2.) how costly it would be for installations I abandoned that idea and possibly the idea of ever taking on the loc journey. I was NOT paying that kind of money to get some strangers hair installed into my head not knowing who they were or how they lived. A persons energy is EVERYTHING TO ME! Surprisingly, as I take this journey, I have come to realize there is NO ugly stage! I mean, how could there be? There is nothing ugly about me so how can I go through that type of thing, right? It is just me embracing this journey as it is and all that it involves.

I am a part of a group, Lady Locs Matter, on Facebook. That group provides so much information regarding the loc transition that even in my frizziest moments, my coils unraveling, and all out hair chaos I am trusting the process. My daughter, who has long gorgeous locs, also aides me in this journey. Want to see her?

Ok, I guess I can post another picture showing her loc length. (inserts proud mom smile) They hang mid-way down her back.

This was the day she installed the coils for me. Look at the difference 3 weeks has made!! You can refer back to the first picture in the blog also.

I wish I had taken a picture with a coil stretched out on the first day so a true comparison can be seen. The 'hang time' is definitely different and these things actually move a little bit when I swing my head. I may have to swing it with some force but they are swaying nonetheless.

The enjoyment of this journey goes far beyond what I thought it would be and to think it is JUST beginning. For those of you feeling a way about that ugly stage I encourage you to bring forth EVERY beautiful aspect of yourself so that you can truly see there IS no ugly stage, just a process we must trust in order to get the results we want.

My Toughest Assignment - Mother of An Incarcerated Son

I had not seen my Sun since April. Six months is far too long to go without seeing his face. That drought ended at around 10 o'clock on Saturday, October 12th. I had been unable to see him due to transportation. I am thankful to the Most High that my daughter relocated back to Jacksonville. It has made several things a lot easier in that regard. Every day with them I am reminded how tough of an assignment parenthood is.

I never truly thought about what it meant to be a mother when I conceived my children. I put no thought to what it would take to raise them, how cruel the world could be, what if they take a wrong turn nor how much selflessness would be involved. My only thought was that I would have a little person who belonged to me to love on and raise as my mother, grandparents and great-grandparents did for me. Growing up, I was a bit of a trouble maker, not with the law kind of trouble but that defiant, mouthy girl that stayed in trouble. I was once asked why do I do the things I do and my response was "the bible says we are not promised tomorrow so I need to do everything I can think of today." I still feel that way to be honest. (chuckles and shrugs) They always reminded me that I should respect and honor my elders because what I do will come back on me 10 fold when I have children. Of course, it did not hit me just how true that statement would turn out to be, not until my Sun started getting in trouble.

I recently wrote an apology letter to my children (see previous blog). Parenthood does not come with a how to manual so how I raised mine was a reflection of how I was raised. As I stated in that blog, I had an awesome childhood with lots of love and would not change it for anything. What I had to come to grips with is the fact that I did not have to emulate every part of it, meaning the discipline. I feel I was too hard on my children, more so my Sun, which could have caused him to go astray as he did. I won't dwell on that but as I reflect I know this has been my toughest assignment in life.

This is not my Sun's first rodeo behind those prison walls unfortunately. I told him if he ever went back the support I provided the first time would be significantly different. I provided $100 or more monthly and visited once monthly sometimes more if possible. I was very vocal with his Classification Officer and vocalizing displeasure to the administration. What's funny, for lack of better words, is how that decision seems to effect me worse than him. The past six months not being able to see him has taken a lot out of me. I don't believe any inmate should go without visits and love from family. That is a huge part of rehabilitation for them, mentally and emotionally in my opinion.

So to say the least, Saturday's visit was perfect and right on time. His daughter Divine and her mother joined us. He did not know they were coming so to see his mother, sister and now his daughter made him so happy. I watched him smile and be a father to a beautiful little girl who's first words when she saw him were "look mommy, I found my daddy!" That was the SWEETEST thing ever.

This time around has brought a change about in me, a good one I feel. It has placed something in me that wants to work on prison reform and possibly get my Sun involved. I am not sure what part of politics that is but I intend to find out. I also want to volunteer more. That selflessness I feel as a mother I now want to give to others not directly related to me. I believe, this time around, this is what I was meant to be shown. I see my toughest assignment has a tough assignment attached to it. Everything happens for a reason and I am ready ... I AM READY!

Find the blessing in the lesson - Mother of an Incarcerated Son

I was just speaking with a dear friend about the Guyger/Botham verdict. We were discussing the "hug and forgive" moment that has gone viral. If you are unaware of the moment let me help you out: the brother of the murdered embraced the killer in the courtroom and stated on the stand "I wasn't going to say this in front of my family or anyone, but I don't even want you to go to jail." Not only did he hug her but so did the judge. This entire conversation brought out quite a few feels. You see, my friend has a slain son and I have an incarcerated son.

Our sons situations are totally unrelated cases but our conversations included them. When my son was home I prayed daily, multiple times a day, that his life was never taken and that he never came to a place where he would have to take a life. That was always a fear of mine. Whenever I heard police sirens I immediately felt sick to my stomach. I know I am not alone in this.

As she and I conversed, she said something that I have said to my son and reminded myself of on many occasions. THIS, in itself, is a reason that I and any parent of an incarcerated child, should be thankful, grateful even.

She said to me and I quote "I pray you NEVER have to endure the pain of burying a child. I always told all 3 of my boys I'd rather VISIT you than BURY you." Although I don't like that my child is locked up, I recognize it for the blessing it is. The Most High kept me sane by allowing me to still see, talk to and even physically visit my child and his grave site. In speaking to my friend, hearing the pain of having buried a child in our conversation, I am reminded I was spared the pain she endures every day. I tell myself as I go through this current phase in my live that I am still able to share moments with my child where so many others can not. I had to find the blessing in the lesson.