The Events of June 10th of 1988 - It Still Hurts

On June 10th, 31 years ago I had three VERY life changing events occur. What was supposed to be one of the best days of my life began with the loss of one of the most important persons in my life. My #1 lady my grandmother, Barbara L. Vann, passed early in the a.m. I was awakened to hush voices and ambulance lights flashing through the entire house.

What a way to start the day. I was graduating from high school that evening. I had just modeled my cap and gown for her the day before. She expressed how proud of me she was. I am the FIRST of my generation - my mom's first, first grand & great grand. I knew all of my grand and great grandparents. I was truly blessed in that regard but at that moment none of that mattered. I did not matter to me if I walked across that stage to get that diploma or not at that moment. I told my mother I wasn't and the only thing that made me go was the fact that my grandmother would have wanted me to do it so I did. I was not a happy day either.

I didn't want to do anything after graduation but do home and sulk. My mom talked me into going out with my then boyfriend who, on that night, became my "baby daddy". Yep, that was also the SAME day I conceived my son. Talk about life changers!

11 days ago, on June 10th, I started this blog. I cried a lot. My son is currently serving a 3 year sentence in a Florida State prison. This is his second time going in. People don't overstand that you can grief a child who is not deceased ... just absent from your presence so every time I would start this blog I began to grieve for the loss of my grandmother and my son.

I miss them both dearly. I believe he was given to me in place of her which makes it even harder. You'd think it would be easier now but 30 plus years later, it all still hurts like it did June 10, 1988. Thanks for listening y'all. I had to finally get it off of my chest. #JUNE101988 #EmoDay

The GLOW Up heading to 50

As I sit here sippin' this created with muscadines Vintners White wine (IT IS THE BOMB) for this Chapter 49 of my life that I just entered I am reflecting on how awesome my 40's have been!

This is the last year of my 40's! Time has truly flown and goals have been met. During this decade I have lost weight (50 lbs in 2012, maintaining keeping at least 30 lbs off),returned to my natural roots and graduated with my Bachelors of Science in Communications. During this decade, I have prepared myself for the next. The moves made will set me up for great things. Let me show you two.

Along with successfully completing the three above mentioned goals, I also became a line dance aerobics instructor AND a certified NRA Pistol instructor. So, not only am I able to dance you fit, I can also train you on the proper way to use a firearm and get you certified to obtain your conceal carry permit. Entrepreneurship is the next goal. When you are doing what you love you are never working is how I see it.

This 40's reflection also caused me to look at my physical self. Going into my 50's, I need to work a little harder on my physical activity. Although, weight wise, I am still in the same range give or take 5-10 lbs (that is actually a lot to me) I could do better in my eating and workout habits. I use to be a QUEEN OF THE BRIDGES but knee issues have slowed that down. I must persevere and work through this. The next pictures show b-earthday's from ages 40-48. I have to say my favorite year was 2014! 44 was my YEAR! Life, health and body were awesome. I was also celibate and learning to love me more. *whispers to self* Maybe we should go back to that life!

The above pictures keep me straight every year. I look at each year that passes through the pictures taken on my birthday. I am missing something this year because I haven't gotten back on it like I should. I have fallen off the vegan wagon HARD. No I don't eat red meat or pork but I dabble in seafood and poultry. I will eat an egg white or 2 for breakfast with a side of turkey bacon or sausage. I still won't drink cow's milk or do any dairy either, they nauseate me. I found that out the hard way with a milkshake so I am good there. For the most part I still eat pretty healthy but I need to make changes. Here is Chapter 49's picture. The dress is big and it flows but my arms and legs say a LOT!

At 49 I'm not bad but could be a lot better! The GLOW UP is still real as I count down the days to 50! My goals for this last year of my 40's is to 1.) get a job that aligns with my educational background, 2.) work on making entrepreneurship a full time lifestyle and 3.) more traveling! That is a lot for 365 days but I am sure it can be done! WATCH ME WORK! It is written so it shall be done. The universe and I are going to make it happen! Come back and watch the progress.

Chapter 49 - Goal Getter

So here it is, June 20 2019 and almost 1 a.m. What's so special about this date? Well it's my b-earthday and I turned 49 today! I can't believe I am almost 5 decades years young.

I remember when I was younger thinking that 40 was old. When I turned 40 I looked younger than some of the 20 year old women walking around.

Here are a few pictures from my time in my 40's. It has been a GRAND time! I lost 50 lbs, returned to my natural roots and graduated with my Bachelors. My 40's has been a great learning experience as well as an awakening decade. I always heard once you hit your 40's things change and that is the truth. My IDGAF meter is off the chart and the closer I get to 50 the more intense that gets. Anyone reading this in your 40's relate to what I just said?

I brought in 49 with a glass of Vintners White wine from the San Sebastian Winery and it has long ago kicked in BUT I wanted to make this post before going to sleep. My goal in the next year is to secure the bag ... simple as that! New business (self employment), new residence, new car and travel! I have 365 days to make this happen. Happy B=earthday to me! LET'S GEAUX CHAPTER 49!!

Nothing like a GEMINI!!!

Mission Impossible COMPLETE - The Tale of Graduation and Chanel

On September 4, 2011 I wrote a blog - MISSION IMPOSSIBLE - THE REINVENTION OF MS CHANEL! In this blog I set 3 goals (which increased to 5 later but I don't think I ever wrote about them) that were to be completed before I turned 50 and as of May 9, 2019, a month shy of my 49th birthday, all goals have been completed. Before I go any further, let me tell the tale of "Graduation and Chanel".

For months, leading up to graduation, I had VEHEMENTLY stated I would not be walking. This started in the Fall semester of 2018 when I realized my two reasons for everything I do/did in life would not be attending. I felt there wasn't a need. Graduations, in my opinion, are to show off what you have accomplished to your family and friends. Truth be told though, if I were to never march I would still have accomplished the goal of completing the Bachelors program. My reminders would be the degree hanging on my wall AND the student loan debt incurred. In the 'getting ready to graduate again' process, I was reminded of when I received my A.A. degree in 2006. My son and daughter were right there by my side.

I walked to show them that NO MATTER the age you can do anything. I wanted them to see that if mom could do it they could too. It didn't have to happen right out of high school but at any point in their lives. So this go around, I truly did not see the need to walk but close friends and the man who supports me saw otherwise. The day of graduation I had a complete and total (I know they mean the same but that's how serious it was) meltdown. Thinking back to it now, I looked like one of my 2 year-old granddaughters having a tantrum because they were told no. I screamed, stomped, cried, yelled, cried, etc. Y'all get the picture. At that very moment, I did not care if I walked or not. My son is incarcerated again and my daughter was unable to make it to Florida. Why should I walk? For who? Well, I remembered one very special little person was coming ... my oldest granddaughter Daysha. Don't get it twisted, my other half, coworkers/friends were there and I was happy but knowing that my oldest grand could see her grandmother graduate made my heart smile. She is an extension of my child so in my eyes, it was just like my child(ren) being there.

At this moment, one month later, I am appreciative. I am happy and I am blessed. I have completed all 3 goals I set at 40 to complete before I turned 50. The 2 additional added were to take a trip out of the country and marriage. Well, I guess I can say the out of the country part has been completed. I did take a cruise in December 2018 and we went to the Bahamas.

It was my first time on a cruise and being out of the connected United States. I do want to make another BIG trip for my 50th birthday next year, stay tuned!