Mental health and Fitness

My recent morning view!!

I have noticed that since I've been getting up at 5 a.m. and hitting the bridges the "mental fog" I suffer with has lightened up quite a bit. So much that my new motto is a 5k a day will keep the fog away and I have to say I have noticed a difference.

I had a wake up call during a really deep conversation my son and I had recently where, for the first time in his life, he saw me break down. He listened to the raised voice, saw the tears, the pain, the frustration ... the depression. He was taken aback and told me this couldn't be the strong woman who had raised him. The woman who always told him to keep his head up and keep pushing no matter what happens. The woman who exhibited strength in every situation. He had never seen me like this or heard me say any of the things I was saying prior to this conversation. He told me if anything were wrong, growing up, he NEVER knew because I kept it away from he and his sister. As a parent, I feel that's how it should be. Our problems are NOT their problems to take on but he, being an adult now, caught a glimpse of what I had kept from them for so many years.

When I expressed my need for professional mental health intervention he asked me "for what? Can you not do this on your own? Why do you have to go talk to someone?" His questioning reminded me of the things I hear often, one of the biggest misconceptions in the black community ... seeking mental health assistance makes you weak! Yes, God can do all things (this is the direction black folk run to first EVERY time) but know this, He gave us common sense to take care of ourselves. He provided those health professionals with the smarts to medically diagnose and treat us if need be. If we have to lay on a coach and take a pill or two to feel better DO IT!

This exchange, between my son and I, took me back to another conversation from a few years back when he was incarcerated. One of my dearest friends and I conversed about mental health, some of the causes as well as some non-medical remedies. The part of the conversation that stuck with me the most is how a healthy lifestyle can help with some mental illnesses which are caused by a combination of genetic, biological, psychological, and environmental factors -- not personal weakness or a character defect. Chemical imbalances play a part so making better food choices and exercising can help. It took me a few years to act on this but when I started in 2012 I noticed a huge difference. I felt better, my energy was higher and the "mental fog" was lifted. I lost 50 lbs in 2012 and maintained that until I returned to school in 2015. I have gained all but 10 lbs back since 2014 and I noticed the return of the mental fog which makes it hard to complete school work, raised my procrastination level dramatically, decreased my energy level and keeps me in a place I don't like being. Everything is heightened which makes it easy to blow small things out of proportion, turn medium obstacles into mountains and turn big things into more of a catastrophic issue than it is. My time management and organizational skills have been hell BUT there is light at the end of this tunnel.

Although I still plan to see a mental health professional, my return to an active lifestyle has helped quite a bit. I have noticed the upbeat difference in the tone of my social media postings, my day to day interactions with people are more pleasant and the change in my sleep/waking patterns which allows me to get up early for my morning 5k's. These changes are ALL FOR THE BETTER and I am loving it! I still have some ways to go but the subtle changes have motivated me to keep at it. I want to encourage anyone who suffers from mental health issues, if you are not active and eating healthier, to join me in doing so! I have noticed this change in a short amount of time, just imagine what the consistency will do to improve my mental quality of life. I can't wait to get back to me and how I am supposed to be! I am turning 47 in June and plan to enjoy the journey there in the process!

What You Attract ...

There are these sayings that totally perplex me every time I hear them!

... who said this is true because I have to disagree. I want peace and to be loved. I want a successful mate ... NO that does not equate to rich before men start to chiming in about gold diggers and women wanting what they themselves do not have or can not offer. Where is he because all I have attracted is NOTHING. So does that mean I am NOTHING?

I guess I put out NOTHING so that's why I have NOTHING, right? True enough, I go to school, work and spend as much time as I can with my grandchildren as possible but I still put out good vibes in all of that. I make people laugh, inspired, motivated, etc. so I have been told so what is it that I am missing here?

Ok, now THIS one might be on to something. I can't help that my mind ventures into the naughty side from time to time and my social media posts oft times reflect when I am there. I have attracted quite a few men who would be happy to oblige but that's not all I want at this moment. If it starts there it would be hard to move from that place onto something else. I also want a mate that's educated or at least working on it as I am. Naughty thoughts aren't all the thoughts that I have, as a matter of fact I'd say it's maybe 10-15% out of my 100%. So why do I not attract that 85-90% difference?

Soooooooo am I ready for nothing? Possibly. It seems the few times someone has come along and expressed interest I do what I do best ... run away. Why? I don't even know to be honest and maybe that's what I need to figure out before I can actually answer the previous questions.

Y'all help a sista out, am I being too literal with all of this? These sayings are said so often and I just don't get it but maybe that last point is the one I need to focus on to get pass the rest. What do y'all think?

13 Reasons Why ...

FINALLY completed the "13 Reasons Why" series ... I'll keep my personal comments and thoughts to myself because I truly don't want the exchange that will no doubt come with it. I will say this ... I think every parent with of age/school age children should watch this together, 2 episodes at a time and have a Q&A session immediately after.

Bullying, of any kind, is unacceptable. Rape is NEVER ok, under any circumstances ... rather alcohol is involved, no matter how anyone is dressed, or whatever the situation is that makes a male feel it is ok when ABSOLUTELY it is NOT!

Parents show your children love daily. Teach them how important and loved they are. Tell your daughters how beautiful they are every chance you get. Females are emotional by nature and it doesn't take much to push her to the edge.

Tell your children how proud of them you are, even when they do things that lets you down. Show positivity in negative times as well.

As a parent it hurts like hell to look back at things and see the marks you missed that, if addressed, could have made all the positive difference in the world.

Some of the things we as parents do indirectly effect our children directly and most times we don't know ... until it's too late.

Talk to your children often, EVERY chance you get. Make sure they know the lines of communication are always open. Share some of the school issues you may have experienced, if there were any. This could bring comfort to them in their present situation. Something as small as sharing could prevent a tragedy. All tragedies don't end in death but some do so do all you possibly can to prevent the ultimate nightmare for your family.

Do we REALLY want the TRUTH ladies?

I read an article this morning where a woman went on a date with a man she'd met on the dating app Tinder. The date went very well according to the article and she was looking forward to the next date. The next day, she received a message from him saying how he had enjoyed himself and how attracted to her he was accept for one thing ... her shape. Apparently she was a little bigger than he liked his women. He was very tactful, non-offensive in how he put his words. He praised her on the things he enjoyed about her BUT her size was an issue for him. I read the comments by many women and they were appalled at his message and had nothing nice to say about the man. Ladies, I have one question ...

I commented and made it known how, personally, I applaud him. He was preventing her from future heartache. He could have very well taken advantage of the situation to get all he could out of it and then left her heartbroken. He was truthful, honest and no one seemed to appreciate that. So tell me ladies ...

We say we want men to be honest, but do we really? The man mentioned in the above story could have been that woman's motivation to eat better, work out and get healthy. Most men are afraid to mention a woman's weight, even if they are married, for fear of the back lash they will receive but you can best believe we have no problem letting him know how we feel about his weight. If you are happy with you and your size simply say that but why get nasty about it? Getting uptight is a defense mechanism in my opinion (NOTE: MY OPINION) but if you are comfortable in the skin you're in why get defensive because your mate or an interested suitor says something about it?

Let me switch the TRUTH gear and share a quick personal story with you all. I was at work this past Sunday and had a very truthful encounter with an older man. Let me first say I work at a men's store in the suit department so my day is spent assisting men look their best. Now back to the story. He told me he was looking for an inexpensive black suit as he is a mortician and wears them often. So I quickly took him over to one of our Lineage brand suits which was only $99. He had a small stature so I put him in a slim fit cut. He was absolutely pleased with the cut of the jacket so I sent him into the fitting room to try the pants on. When he came out this is how the conversation went:

Him: How do these look? These pants look ok?

Me: (enthusiastically) Yes sir, they're fine.

Him: Are you married?

Me: No sir, I'm not.

Him: I'm single, gimme your number and lets have dinner.

Me: (very hard side eye) Sir, go change your pants!!

He was forthcoming and honest, for that I commend him. He was right out with what he felt he wanted and that left no room for error or misunderstanding. I am sure had I been attracted to this older man my last response would not have been the same but I was not nasty when he approached and asked again. I simply told him no he could not have my number but nonetheless I appreciated him for his truthfulness and every other man who does the same.

At my age, I only want a man who is forthcoming, one who is honest about his intentions for me and let me decide if I want to partake of said activity. Don't pretend you want to spend time, hang out, do things like you are interested in me if what you want does not require all of that.

If my size or shape is an issue for you

If my natural hair is not what you like

If you would like to go out on a date

If you want to date exclusively

If you just want to "CRUSH"

We have men out here lying to get things because of how we respond to truths. So ladies, tell me, can we truly handle that? Speaking for me and me only, I will say YES I CAN!! When a man is truthful about his intentions why can we not just embrace it and respond accordingly without attitude? The real men want to know.

Talk to me ladies.