Mother of an Incarcerated Son: Thursday turned out better than it started!

Thursday a.m. I had a moment. My neighbor asked about my son because she had not seen him in awhile. The entire conversation had me in my feelings for most of the day. One would think it would be easier by now, with this not being his 1st nor 2nd time behind bars but it isn't. It actually seems to be getting harder and worst. Today I decided that I needed to go see him or at least write him. I have kept my distance since he was arrested in February but each time he is brought up or I see a picture of him it takes me to a place ... a really sad, dark place and today was one of those dark place days. I needed to release so here I am.

In the process of starting my letter my daughter tells me she received an email about communications with my son. Obviously I am ALL out of the loop with this because you can now email and video chat (of course for a fee) with the county inmates!! The prisons did not have this when my son was there 4 years ago but I am sure they do now, they have to. County can't beat the prison system, right? I see this for what it is though, another money scheme by the system at it's finest. The minimum is $10 and EVERY thing cost, from sending an email to uploading pictures for your profile to your newly created account and adding pictures in your photo gallery to share with the inmate. The system finds a way to play on our heart strings, don't they but after Thursday mornings emotional breakdown you all know and account was set up and funds were added immediately. This is how they get us, the family members and other loved ones of inmates.

By the time I decided to write this blog, I was a happier mother and my mood had completely been lifted. I have been emailing with my son and sent pictures of myself and his daughters. He sounds/reads JUST LIKE THE DANTE I KNOW! I raised a trooper that I wish could simply stay out of trouble! The Most High KNEW I needed this in the worst kind of way. It was the ONLY thing that was holding me down in a bad place, all else was well. I knew the reason my emotions were running extremely high was because I had not spoken to my son. I was trying to be that 'hard nosed, he has to learn' mother and it ended up hurting me more so then him so I needed to change that ... for me. No matter what our children do we should be there in some capacity and that is what I plan to do. Definitely not all in like I was in the years before but he will know he is loved and I will do all I can for him within reason. Thank you all for listening/reading. I needed to get this off of my chest.