Protect Yourself First Ladies!

There is nothing worse than being dragged into a situation you have absolutely NOTHING to do with! Even worst is the person dragging you in giving you attitude about your response to said situation. This blog here goes out to my ladies, the females, who seem to be fine NOT making the men use

and having unprotected sex while apparently not thinking of the consequences that can occur later on down the line. The disease aspect, in itself, is a bit much for me but if I were fertile and able to reproduce PREGNANCY would be the big issue especially if I were not ready to be a parent. By not ready I mean financially, mentally and emotionally because face it, if you are not in a serious relationship with a man, you may very well end up a single mother. I am not placing all the blame on us ladies BUT at some point we must take responsibility for ourselves and our bodies. It is NOT all up to the guys.

So, Chanel, where is this coming from you might be asking ... well let me tell you. There is a young lady who has an 8-year-old daughter that has been raised by another man, so I have been told. Apparently testing was done and

which let ole boy know

What happens now? She gets on a quest to find the birth father of course. This is so important on ALL levels because 1) children should know who their fathers are (in some cases) and 2) medical reasons. Knowing where you come from can explain a lot of things about why you may have the things you have, etc. Family is important and it is always great to know both sides. Keeping all of that in mind, in her quest to reach out to who she felt may be the child's father she reached out to the mother of his child, sent pictures to show how much she felt they resembled and even got together so the two could play. Keep in mind, this happened before DNA testing was done.

Next, she gets her sister to reach out to the potential fathers' mother asking if she would please call the young lady about the situation. The mother respectfully declines. What happens next? The young lady reaches out to the mother. Ladies, understand before you contact any mother, remember the situation you are in is between YOU and THE SON not the mother so if you don't get the response you are looking for do not get mad just keep it pushing. This is NOT the mothers battle. The mother explains she will not be calling her or doing anything to get to know her or the child until a DNA test is done so there is no need to continue reaching out. It is not fair to that little girl to keep meeting people and possibly have to turn around and meet a different set of people. THIS is how we mess our children up in a horrible way. Protect these children from parental mess by keeping them out of it until proper testing has been done and results are back. The next move the young lady makes is the one recommended by the mother, get a court ordered DNA test and go from there. She reaches out to the mother again to let her know a date has been set for she and her daughter to have the testing done and that the potential father will be served his papers at the address listed in the system. When the mother says that is good, you did the right the thing for you and your daughter the young lady asks the mother to call her ... again.

The mother has respectfully declined twice before and tells her again, it is not going to happen. Why does she need to speak with the mother? SHE DOESN'T! What does the young lady do then? She plays the "Being that you're a mother yourself I thought ..." card and proceeds to tell the mother you and your son rather live your lives with what may be unclear. Ladies, please know, if you EVER have hopes of you and your child getting to know the potential grandmother if the DNA comes back from her tree THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO GET THERE!

The mother totally understood the frustration of the young lady, couldn't relate but understood. She's seen it too many times around her with family and friends. This is why she recommended the testing and for this young lady to do what she must for her child and herself.

Before the mother wrapped up this Facebook inbox conversation she made it perfectly clear that she did not have these kinds of problems with her children. She knew to whom they belonged. She expressed how she was very cautious and protective of herself to avoid having to figure out who her "baby daddy" was. She was not bashing the young lady or her choices but had to let her know NOT to come for her about something she has nothing to do with. Yes, the potential father is her son but bottom line THIS IS NOT HER ISSUE! This is between the young lady and the potential father ... NOT the young lady, the potential father and his mother.

This has to be embarrassing, frustrating and hurtful for this young lady and the mother gets it but ladies

and make better choices with whom you lay, especially unprotected because coming at the mother ... trust ... THAT

I just pray the ladies who are able to reproduce understand and get it through their heads that taking care of #1 is a top priority! If that man doesn't respect you enough to cover up then you respect yourself enough to walk away. These types of situations can be totally avoided if we started putting US FIRST! Men will do what they do and be who they want to be, we can't control that but putting yourself before him will definitely assist in preventing your feelings as well as your child's feelings from being hurt on so many levels.