Seems I've been saying that for years though

I think about the many conversations I've had with myself over the years, things around me were absolutely topsy turvy as they've always been since my son's incarceration. I would ask myself every year what it is that I really wanted to do in the upcoming year. I tried to make it as clear as I could to myself ... I just want to find better days. I want to go some place where I can simply be me and live my life; away from the judgmental, fake people and no one caring about no one folk. Where people don't allow anything to hold them back due to fear, people just living how they want to live and no one bothering them. Ya know?

... don't mind me y'all. I'm alright and things will get better. Seems like I've been saying that for years though.

I think about my spirituality and how I have always struggled with faith. Faith is something I know is real and it goes along with the trust and peace I carry in my life that assures me everything will eventually be alright. I have to do better with my lack of faith but it gets rough in this world alone and that's the easiest time to lose faith. If no one knows, it isn't easy out here, I know but I do my best to hang in there and know that better days are coming. It seems I've been saying that for years though.

The days seem long and dark and the nights cold. People are acting like they have lost their minds. Times like these have you thinking about your first breath of the day and if it will be your last first breath. It's kind of funny how this world can treat you, too many problems all around. I try to find a way to escape the madness but end up sitting alone, in silence. I'm not trying to depress anyone, not trying to be dramatic just thinking out loud. Alone time is needed every once in awhile.

I have to stay focused and not lose sight of my goals if I want to finish everything that I have started. Not lose sight of myself even when I am crying on the inside but you'll always see me smiling on the outside because I know eventually everything will be alright. Seems I have been saying that for years though.

When my son was locked up I think I sat around waiting for my life to begin all the while it was slipping away. I was waiting for my better tomorrow but all I did was waste 5 years of my life. Now I'm playing catch up. I've been dealing with a lot of pain, remembering days I had nothing to my name. I don't blame anyone but myself for my past or current situations, I neglected to control the controllable. I've got to get over that many negative things that has happened and begin to heal. I speak it so much over my son but I don't follow my own words. To be honest, I thought I had done that but recent events have shown me

It's all good though, things will get better. Seems I have been saying that for years though.

I think I've learned quite a few lessons from the time my son was locked up to the present. Today has been an okay day, nothing special, nothing good and nothing bad just a day that I have been blessed to see. There are days that I am over the top joyful, days when I am really low and then there are neutral days like today. I don't stress it though, I know better days will come.

SEEMS

THOUGH!!!