Mother of an incarcerated son - PART I

How do I begin? *sigh* I reckon I will start by saying I love Dante' M Vann to life and no matter what he has done that will never change. We are all human and will make mistakes, its what we do after the consequences of our mistakes that will make a major difference in our lives.

I remember it like it was yesterday: (LONG STORY SHORT) losing my job (due to excessive absences: court appearances & school visits for my son), being evicted, having to turn over my vehicle, separating from my children as we all lived in separate dwellings, my son getting in SOOOO MUCH trouble while not under my supervision & being called by the temporary care giver to come get him NOW because she was going to get evicted with him being there, Community Connections finding us somewhere to live, Dee Dee being sent back to VA because her brother was OUT OF CONTROL to that night that changed his and my life forever, 01/2007 at about 2 a.m.!!

He had been in and out of trouble receiving multiple slaps on the hands by the system but always managed to come home. On this particular morning, I received a phone call advising me that my son had been detained. I was dead sleep, had no car nor did I have any idea on how I was going to pick him up. When I asked could I pick him up in the morning, the officer advised me HE WOULD NOT BE COMING HOME THIS TIME! WHOA!! She then begin to explain he'd been picked up for carjacking at gun point! WHOA AGAIN! **SN: Thank GOD no weapon was found which lessened the time dramatically! He said he didn't have one anyway so again to GOD be the GLORY!**

This is NOT the call you want, as a single mother doing the BEST you can do for both of your children, it seemed as if at this point in time my life was going downhill and fast. **BRIGHT POINT: Thank GOD for the full time job at HOT 105.7 FM! It went from an internship to an opening in the business office and a spot on the Larry Steele Morning Show & my own show 9-0-4KUS RADIO!!** I made it to first appearance court the next morning to see my child in wrist and ankle shackles. You can NOT imagine how that felt (unless you've been in that situation) to see your child bound and you can do absolutely nothing! Tears begin to roll down my eyes (as they are now as I relive this story) as I realized my son was no longer mine but the property of the city of Jacksonville's criminal system.

He spent about 2 months in Duval's Detention Center (DDC) as he was under 18 when the crime was committed but was moved to Duval County Jail (DCJ) on 03/21/07, about 2 weeks shy of his 18th birthday, at which point he became #2007011316. I hated to visit DCJ, it was only once weekly and we could not touch, there was now that thick plastic see through wall between us. At least at DDC we had multiple visits weekly and we could touch. I remember him getting jumped while on the 6th floor of DCJ, saw the bruises *tears again* but he was/is a trooper and fighting was no problem for him unfortunately. It hurt to know there was nothing I could do but continue to pray for his safety and my sanity.

Here begins the months of standing before a judge as if I too were on trial. I was told to PRAY we didn't get Judge Soud as his daughter was killed during a car jacking so he had NO sympathy for car jackers. *GOD ANSWERS PRAYERS* I went to his schools, personal friends of mine and his psychologist to get reference letters, provided them to the Public Defenders AKA Public Pretenders office and wrote Judge Mallory Cooper also to fight for less time as they wanted to give him 10+ years for the crime (maximum sentence is 30 years). Finally he was sentenced to 326 days...I can handle that!! NOW begins the REAL visitations. Along with the time spent in visitation came the commissary, $100 monthly. WHOA!! Totally unexpected expense but it was what it was!

If I heard it once I heard it 1000 times (more from men than women) that I was putting my life on hold for my son, he committed the crime, has to do the time and I should not be putting myself through ALL I was putting myself through as a result of his doings. *HMMMPH* Well, that's easier said than done unfortunately and those men were politely X'D out of my life...one thing you DON'T do is tell a SINGLE MOTHER what she should and shouldn't do for her children, especially her incarcerated son.

For the next 12 months I was subjected to pat downs, background searches, visits with the youth offender advocates (behind the bars up on the 6th floor) and a high school graduation (behind bars also)!

I was not proud of where he was but GOD knows I was proud that he was able to graduate with a DIPLOMA (not a GED) and from the school he attended prior to his incarceration.

As freedom was getting closer I had to find somewhere to live so that he'd have an address to come home to and have some where for his P.O. to visit. After all my years of living on the Westside and residing with folk on the Northside I found a spot in Arlington.

On 06/09/2008 I pulled into that parking lot right outside the jail and picked up my first born! I was SO happy to see him free...to hug him, kiss him, you know...the mushy stuff us mothers love to do and embarrass you in the process. *laughs* He showed me all his paperwork, 2 years of probation and where he had to go for reporting. He was assigned to Mrs Lewis, the P.O. that ALL youth offenders dreaded but she ended up being more of a curse than anything. Don't get me wrong, she was a sweet lady with a stern disposition BUT she was lenient...too lenient in some ways and the SECOND Public Defender said JUST THAT!!

**SN: the system "slaps" these youth offender on the hands when they commit "small" crimes but what the youth fails to realize is these crimes are being added up and when the "big" crime is committed the system puts ALL that on the table in front of the judge which gives leverage to the state for these HIGH BIDS when it's time for sentencing**

OK, now just like the system Mrs Lewis would allow an occasional slip up here and there which in so many ways was enabling the offender, my son. He felt he was getting away with things AGAIN...UNTIL that big moment came and all the P.O. "hand slaps" were placed on the table for the V.O.P. hearing (violation of probation). Dante' wasn't out 6 months before he violated, he was released but still I saw no lesson learned from this child of mine *sigh*. Shortly after that, he had been out for a little more than a year he violated again...THIS WAS THE BIG ONE!!!