Mother of an incarcerated son - HOLIDAYS 2011

Holidays are looked at as a joyous time of the year for most, right? On 1 hand, some people hate the hustle and hassle of cooking, shopping and the thought of all the money they will spend. On the other hand, some folk love the thought of family time, receiving gifts, gift giving and simply love what the holidays represent. I, on the other OTHER hand, am NUMB! This time of the year has not been the best for me, at least for the past 3-4 years. This year is going to be extremely different as its my first year with a completely empty nest. It would be different if I had the type of job that had weekends off or didn't require so much of me at the holiday so I could go home but I don't so here I will sit. *sigh*

Yes I can go visit my son and I can't wait to see him, its been since September, but that atmosphere takes a LOT out of you. The thought of having to see him there gets easier as his time goes by but it gets no easier on my heart knowing that it will only be for a few hours and then away we go for another month or so. I can't visit my daughter though as my schedule does not provide any real "get away" time to get to my family in VA. It's been over 5 years since I've spent any holidays at home with my family and this empty nest is making the thought of that even worse.

This is the 2nd holiday of this kind for me, with both children far away, and it doesn't get easier or feel any better. I tell you its crazy to think back to how we get excited about the time when our children will be out of the house but when the time comes you wish it could all come back, just for a little while anyway. I know a lot of it is my son's circumstances, his life choices that has me down but I can't change that. I just pray my FATHER is in his future life choices.

Oh well, that's all that was on my mind as I sit here on my day off wondering what I will do for the holidays. This is truly the time when being single isn't easy but it is DEFINITELY not a reason to go out and get involved just to have someone at the holiday!