Mother of an incarcerated son - Count in ALL joy

Being a Mother of an Incarcerated Son has allowed so many negative things to constantly run rampant through my mind, especially in the beginning of his troubled time. Thoughts of who all it effected, the how, where, what, and why's of what my son did that caused his incarceration mulls about deeply on a daily basis. Every know and again thoughts of what people think of me as a parent and/or my parenting skills seeps in and causes me to second guess myself and the choices I've made. As time has passed it has gotten a lot better but it still hurts, hurts like hell too, knowing that I did all I felt I could do to try and provide a good life for my children and my son chose the path he did.

I think back to when I told his father I was pregnant and he told me he didn't want another child and I needed to get rid of it. That was one of the WORSE feelings I have ever felt in my entire life. I couldn't understand how a man could want to discard a life so easily but then again it gave me understanding as to why my son ended up being raised without him. I took that pain around with me for years and when my son began his trouble with the law, each incident would take me back to that dreaded day. I often questioned rather my son was supposed to be here or not because at the rate he was going something or someone was going to take him away from me and as always, when bad things happen the devil sees an opportunity to wreak havoc and waste no time seizing the moment!

When my son was 10-years-old GOD placed a vision in the form of a dream in regards to my son. I refuse to simply call it a dream because of how real it felt and its content; I saw my son standing in a pulpit ministering.

My children and I would read bible scriptures together nightly, attended church regularly and then...I stopped but thank GOD the teachings stayed with my children. Moving forward to his Duval troubles, when my son was in the Duval Detention Center one of the officers asked me if I was an Evangelist or Pastor and of course I responded no but wondered why he had asked. He said my son quotes bible scriptures like he is in and around the Word daily but sadly to say he wasn't. He expressed how knowledgeable my son was in the Word and I KNEW then if I never knew before that I had made the right decision in keeping my son. He is and has a gift from my Father that HAD to be shared with the world.

I discussed my blog with my son in a few of our letters and he has since been asking me to send some of the entries to him which I did today. In the letter that accompanied the blogs I sent a message that had been put on my heart. I told him that for every tear of pain I've cried I've also cried tears of joy because unlike some I don't have to wait until I fall asleep to see him in a dream or go to a grave site but I can see, love, touch and talk to him through letters and during visitations. I expressed to him how he MUST know that this is his blessing. He has to know that his current place of residence is OF GOD and is NOT his permanent home because he knows like I know he would probably not be alive today had he not been removed from these streets. I told him to continue to pray and keep GOD first in everything he does and nothing or no one can hurt him. This is not to say that he will not have trials, tribulations or encounter hard times in there or upon his release but they are all a part of his personal testimony to put him in his rightful place! NO ONE has ever said following GOD'S lead will be easy but what it does mean is that when it really counts GOD WILL BE THERE! What our enemies meant for our bad and evil against us OUR Lord and Savior will turn it around for our good!

As I smiled and sealed the letter containing my blog I made sure to COUNT IN ALL JOY in knowing that GOD is able and is a GOD of 2ND chances!