TRUST the timing! Timing is EVERYTHING!!

There is NOTHING worse than an emotional crisis when you are single! Ladies, I know you will be able to relate AND some men (those who will own up to it anyways). So here we go ... you are single and have been for quite a while. You are not the happiest you could be about that status but you deal, no biggie because life goes on and you get by. You enjoy an occasional date here and there. A few text messages that turn to phone calls and you are content with that right now because truth be told you are STILL working on you, ya know? But what happens next? HE appears (or SHE for my fellas)!

IN WENDY WILLIAMS VOICE

Everything is damn near perfect from jump street (that should have been THE clue). The energy released between the two of you has created feelings that has you thinking this could be your soulmate. These are vibrations like nothing you have ever experienced or felt before. It is one of those situations where it is going so well, TOO WELL, that you want to run away, far far away and not look back. Every ounce of your being says head for the hills but that heart of yours says NO ... STAY!! Word of advice ...

So what do you do? YOU FOLLOW THE DAMN HEART!!

You will listen to the above advice the next time ... I hope!!

Anyway, before you know it you are WIDE THE FXCK OPEN!! Lets add the fact that his actions match yours, step for step, topped off with his actions backing up his words as well. There was none of that "what you think I want to hear" conversation, none of the "typical male jargon" ... not at all!

Nope, that was NOT him at all so sister girls you are falling deeper and deeper at this point. No matter how hard you pump your brakes or attempt to sashay away in those 4-5 inch heels this thing is happening. Are you afraid? Apprehensive? HELL YES but you are also excited as hell and it isn't long before the two of you are referencing and singing that good old Deborah Cox song!

This is so unreal! From common interests, astrological signs that say you are a perfect match (you both believe in what the stars have to say), spontaneous conversations that both can follow and chime in without missing a beat, both believe in alien existence to include your own part in it and both MELANIN ARROGANT & PROUD!

How did you allow yourself to be opened up so wide after only NINE days is what you ask yourself. Keep in mind, there has been no sexual activity, just an occasional kiss and hug when time permitted you to see one another which isn't too often. There has, however, been plenty of intimate moments via conversation and that's what placed you in the predicament you are in ... that damn conversation! No, they were not sexual in nature but enlightening and there is nothing sexier than a man with vocabulary who knows how to use it. The man is college educated and has substance! He is in tune with who he is, who his people are and wants to do something to propel his community positively from its current state. It is so refreshing to meet a man of this caliber living in a day and age where so many men are still in the dark on how to approach a real woman ... but THIS man, HE NAILED IT!

So why is timing everything? Well, remember how every move made seemed methodically planned and thought out up to the moment your inner, deeper voice started speaking? On more than one occasion in those 9 days, that deeper consciousness told you to "chill out" and "calm down" but because there was an overwhelmingly unusual and new vibration in your presence you ignored that warning. There were moments and comments made that you questioned in your mind ... why didn't you express them aloud young lady? Now, everything your internal warning system (discernment) attempted to shield you from you are feeling. Why didn't you leave it on the phone until after he took care of the things that has him traveling out of the area? Now, that communication that was extremely heavy has come almost to a complete halt and here you are questioning yourself about the choices you were making regarding this man. You've now extracted your emotions because this is what you've learned to do over the years of being single. Are you mad? Yes but at yourself for not being a better judge and listener of self. There could be a lot of reasons communication has come to an almost dead halt but without his explanation you'll never know. Everything in you wants to call or text what you're feeling but HERE AGAIN ...

This man is where he is, doing what he is doing and of that you are not a part. Learn how to NOT insert yourself where you have not been welcomed no matter how hard it is! Be accountable for your part in this and deal with it. Upon his return, if it is to be, have that conversation but until that time continue to do you and what you were doing before he WALTZED HIS FINE, EDUCATED ASS INTO YOUR LIFE! We love hastily moving into things, at some point the lesson learned will be taken into all areas so that this doesn't have to happen again but until then my sisters (and brothers who may relate) ...

To Tell or Not To Tell

Here's the situation ... you are out on a date and you see your friends mate out with another member of the opposite sex. You speak to assure the mate and date sees you so that there is NO confusion as to rather it was them you saw or not. Do you tell your friend or keep it to yourself?

I have been in this predicament and I will tell you, after that situation I would keep it to myself.

How about YES they are still together 18 plus years later but I feel she and I are not close anymore as a result of this. Of course he denied it was him so there I was looking like a fool when she chose to stay.

I felt like I ruined a great friendship looking out for my friends feelings and ended up getting mine hurt in the process. So from here on out I will be selfish and keep my feelings from being hurt, salvaging my friendship and let him/her know if you see my mate out PLEASE tell me because I will act on it! Now, again I ask ...

Better Choices

During Spring break in March, I attended a college tour in the Carolina's with the 100 Black Men of Jacksonville and Teen Leaders of America. On this 3 day 2 night tour approximately 45 young men and women visited four college campuses: Benedict College (SC), North Carolina A&T University (NC), UNC Charlotte (NC) and Johnson C. Smith University (NC). The tour ended with a trip to a NBA game, Hornets vs. Cavaliers ... the youth were elated!

Attending this tour and watching those young men and women who were serious about furthering their education beyond high school was truly a treat. It was also a wake up call on some of the great things I missed out in life. I wasted the last 4 years of high school, the most important years, being fast. I did enough to graduate, with an advanced studies diploma I will add, but put no thought into life beyond that. I have always wanted a Communications career, working in radio or television but that's as far as I went with it ... a want. We had a Vo-Tech program at my high school were broadcasting was taught, I did not take advantage of this program so I wasted my gifts, my talents very early. On top of that, I was a mother exactly nine months after I graduated high school so attending a 4 year college was not on my radar. It was available but I chose to attend a vocational college instead, get a skill under my belt that I could use immediately so that I could take care of my son. **the good ole 80's**

Back to the college tour, walking the campuses and watching/listening to the tour guides made me sad. Why? Because I missed the chance to attend a college or university during a time when I was able to be molded into something greater. The chance to make life long friends from other places. The possibilities of where I could be now in life, in my career instead of almost 50 years of age and still working towards my career of choice. The tour guides were so AWESOME! I could definitely see myself taking on that role for my school at that age and being a part of so many organizations all while building my own personal brand. At my age now, I am too tired to get involved with any extra-curricular activities or organizations. I am simply ready to get school done and over with so I can move on to the next venture in my life.

At the time of this tour I felt like I was wasting my time with the degree I am working towards. It's hard to get into this field at my age, especially if it's a broadcast related career that you have an interest. The tour was a lot to take in all at once and I left there feeling defeated when it was over. I am glad to say I do not feel that way today.

Public Relations can be used in several areas to include corporate America as well as private P.R. and Marketing agencies if I want to work for myself. I have been blessed to have an opportunity to work with a firm during the Summer since I do not attend school during this time and I am looking forward to putting what I have learned thus far to work! I don't have too much time left before I am done with this chapter of my life and of that I am excited. This blog was created for TWO reasons:

1) to encourage the youth to attend college right out of high school if that is what they want to do, don't let anything stop you if you can help it and

2) for those who are in the same boat as me, do not let age or time passed stop you from pursuing your dreams of completing school! It's never too late!

Mental health and Fitness

My recent morning view!!

I have noticed that since I've been getting up at 5 a.m. and hitting the bridges the "mental fog" I suffer with has lightened up quite a bit. So much that my new motto is a 5k a day will keep the fog away and I have to say I have noticed a difference.

I had a wake up call during a really deep conversation my son and I had recently where, for the first time in his life, he saw me break down. He listened to the raised voice, saw the tears, the pain, the frustration ... the depression. He was taken aback and told me this couldn't be the strong woman who had raised him. The woman who always told him to keep his head up and keep pushing no matter what happens. The woman who exhibited strength in every situation. He had never seen me like this or heard me say any of the things I was saying prior to this conversation. He told me if anything were wrong, growing up, he NEVER knew because I kept it away from he and his sister. As a parent, I feel that's how it should be. Our problems are NOT their problems to take on but he, being an adult now, caught a glimpse of what I had kept from them for so many years.

When I expressed my need for professional mental health intervention he asked me "for what? Can you not do this on your own? Why do you have to go talk to someone?" His questioning reminded me of the things I hear often, one of the biggest misconceptions in the black community ... seeking mental health assistance makes you weak! Yes, God can do all things (this is the direction black folk run to first EVERY time) but know this, He gave us common sense to take care of ourselves. He provided those health professionals with the smarts to medically diagnose and treat us if need be. If we have to lay on a coach and take a pill or two to feel better DO IT!

This exchange, between my son and I, took me back to another conversation from a few years back when he was incarcerated. One of my dearest friends and I conversed about mental health, some of the causes as well as some non-medical remedies. The part of the conversation that stuck with me the most is how a healthy lifestyle can help with some mental illnesses which are caused by a combination of genetic, biological, psychological, and environmental factors -- not personal weakness or a character defect. Chemical imbalances play a part so making better food choices and exercising can help. It took me a few years to act on this but when I started in 2012 I noticed a huge difference. I felt better, my energy was higher and the "mental fog" was lifted. I lost 50 lbs in 2012 and maintained that until I returned to school in 2015. I have gained all but 10 lbs back since 2014 and I noticed the return of the mental fog which makes it hard to complete school work, raised my procrastination level dramatically, decreased my energy level and keeps me in a place I don't like being. Everything is heightened which makes it easy to blow small things out of proportion, turn medium obstacles into mountains and turn big things into more of a catastrophic issue than it is. My time management and organizational skills have been hell BUT there is light at the end of this tunnel.

Although I still plan to see a mental health professional, my return to an active lifestyle has helped quite a bit. I have noticed the upbeat difference in the tone of my social media postings, my day to day interactions with people are more pleasant and the change in my sleep/waking patterns which allows me to get up early for my morning 5k's. These changes are ALL FOR THE BETTER and I am loving it! I still have some ways to go but the subtle changes have motivated me to keep at it. I want to encourage anyone who suffers from mental health issues, if you are not active and eating healthier, to join me in doing so! I have noticed this change in a short amount of time, just imagine what the consistency will do to improve my mental quality of life. I can't wait to get back to me and how I am supposed to be! I am turning 47 in June and plan to enjoy the journey there in the process!

What You Attract ...

There are these sayings that totally perplex me every time I hear them!

... who said this is true because I have to disagree. I want peace and to be loved. I want a successful mate ... NO that does not equate to rich before men start to chiming in about gold diggers and women wanting what they themselves do not have or can not offer. Where is he because all I have attracted is NOTHING. So does that mean I am NOTHING?

I guess I put out NOTHING so that's why I have NOTHING, right? True enough, I go to school, work and spend as much time as I can with my grandchildren as possible but I still put out good vibes in all of that. I make people laugh, inspired, motivated, etc. so I have been told so what is it that I am missing here?

Ok, now THIS one might be on to something. I can't help that my mind ventures into the naughty side from time to time and my social media posts oft times reflect when I am there. I have attracted quite a few men who would be happy to oblige but that's not all I want at this moment. If it starts there it would be hard to move from that place onto something else. I also want a mate that's educated or at least working on it as I am. Naughty thoughts aren't all the thoughts that I have, as a matter of fact I'd say it's maybe 10-15% out of my 100%. So why do I not attract that 85-90% difference?

Soooooooo am I ready for nothing? Possibly. It seems the few times someone has come along and expressed interest I do what I do best ... run away. Why? I don't even know to be honest and maybe that's what I need to figure out before I can actually answer the previous questions.

Y'all help a sista out, am I being too literal with all of this? These sayings are said so often and I just don't get it but maybe that last point is the one I need to focus on to get pass the rest. What do y'all think?

13 Reasons Why ...

FINALLY completed the "13 Reasons Why" series ... I'll keep my personal comments and thoughts to myself because I truly don't want the exchange that will no doubt come with it. I will say this ... I think every parent with of age/school age children should watch this together, 2 episodes at a time and have a Q&A session immediately after.

Bullying, of any kind, is unacceptable. Rape is NEVER ok, under any circumstances ... rather alcohol is involved, no matter how anyone is dressed, or whatever the situation is that makes a male feel it is ok when ABSOLUTELY it is NOT!

Parents show your children love daily. Teach them how important and loved they are. Tell your daughters how beautiful they are every chance you get. Females are emotional by nature and it doesn't take much to push her to the edge.

Tell your children how proud of them you are, even when they do things that lets you down. Show positivity in negative times as well.

As a parent it hurts like hell to look back at things and see the marks you missed that, if addressed, could have made all the positive difference in the world.

Some of the things we as parents do indirectly effect our children directly and most times we don't know ... until it's too late.

Talk to your children often, EVERY chance you get. Make sure they know the lines of communication are always open. Share some of the school issues you may have experienced, if there were any. This could bring comfort to them in their present situation. Something as small as sharing could prevent a tragedy. All tragedies don't end in death but some do so do all you possibly can to prevent the ultimate nightmare for your family.

Do we REALLY want the TRUTH ladies?

I read an article this morning where a woman went on a date with a man she'd met on the dating app Tinder. The date went very well according to the article and she was looking forward to the next date. The next day, she received a message from him saying how he had enjoyed himself and how attracted to her he was accept for one thing ... her shape. Apparently she was a little bigger than he liked his women. He was very tactful, non-offensive in how he put his words. He praised her on the things he enjoyed about her BUT her size was an issue for him. I read the comments by many women and they were appalled at his message and had nothing nice to say about the man. Ladies, I have one question ...

I commented and made it known how, personally, I applaud him. He was preventing her from future heartache. He could have very well taken advantage of the situation to get all he could out of it and then left her heartbroken. He was truthful, honest and no one seemed to appreciate that. So tell me ladies ...

We say we want men to be honest, but do we really? The man mentioned in the above story could have been that woman's motivation to eat better, work out and get healthy. Most men are afraid to mention a woman's weight, even if they are married, for fear of the back lash they will receive but you can best believe we have no problem letting him know how we feel about his weight. If you are happy with you and your size simply say that but why get nasty about it? Getting uptight is a defense mechanism in my opinion (NOTE: MY OPINION) but if you are comfortable in the skin you're in why get defensive because your mate or an interested suitor says something about it?

Let me switch the TRUTH gear and share a quick personal story with you all. I was at work this past Sunday and had a very truthful encounter with an older man. Let me first say I work at a men's store in the suit department so my day is spent assisting men look their best. Now back to the story. He told me he was looking for an inexpensive black suit as he is a mortician and wears them often. So I quickly took him over to one of our Lineage brand suits which was only $99. He had a small stature so I put him in a slim fit cut. He was absolutely pleased with the cut of the jacket so I sent him into the fitting room to try the pants on. When he came out this is how the conversation went:

Him: How do these look? These pants look ok?

Me: (enthusiastically) Yes sir, they're fine.

Him: Are you married?

Me: No sir, I'm not.

Him: I'm single, gimme your number and lets have dinner.

Me: (very hard side eye) Sir, go change your pants!!

He was forthcoming and honest, for that I commend him. He was right out with what he felt he wanted and that left no room for error or misunderstanding. I am sure had I been attracted to this older man my last response would not have been the same but I was not nasty when he approached and asked again. I simply told him no he could not have my number but nonetheless I appreciated him for his truthfulness and every other man who does the same.

At my age, I only want a man who is forthcoming, one who is honest about his intentions for me and let me decide if I want to partake of said activity. Don't pretend you want to spend time, hang out, do things like you are interested in me if what you want does not require all of that.

If my size or shape is an issue for you

If my natural hair is not what you like

If you would like to go out on a date

If you want to date exclusively

If you just want to "CRUSH"

We have men out here lying to get things because of how we respond to truths. So ladies, tell me, can we truly handle that? Speaking for me and me only, I will say YES I CAN!! When a man is truthful about his intentions why can we not just embrace it and respond accordingly without attitude? The real men want to know.

Talk to me ladies.