What a way to start the day. I was graduating from high school that evening. I had just modeled my cap and gown for her the day before. She expressed how proud of me she was. I am the FIRST of my generation - my mom's first, first grand & great grand. I knew all of my grand and great grandparents. I was truly blessed in that regard but at that moment none of that mattered. I did not matter to me if I walked across that stage to get that diploma or not at that moment. I told my mother I wasn't and the only thing that made me go was the fact that my grandmother would have wanted me to do it so I did. I was not a happy day either.
I didn't want to do anything after graduation but do home and sulk. My mom talked me into going out with my then boyfriend who, on that night, became my "baby daddy". Yep, that was also the SAME day I conceived my son. Talk about life changers!
11 days ago, on June 10th, I started this blog. I cried a lot. My son is currently serving a 3 year sentence in a Florida State prison. This is his second time going in. People don't overstand that you can grief a child who is not deceased ... just absent from your presence so every time I would start this blog I began to grieve for the loss of my grandmother and my son.
I miss them both dearly. I believe he was given to me in place of her which makes it even harder. You'd think it would be easier now but 30 plus years later, it all still hurts like it did June 10, 1988. Thanks for listening y'all. I had to finally get it off of my chest. #JUNE101988 #EmoDay
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