Cee and Gee as told by WE - Part 1: The Beginning

INTRO

Relationships fail and when you can’t figure out why or how things went array you revisit these things. No not to rekindle any flames although it can happen, but simply attempting to set the record straight. This blog is the relationship tale of Cee and Gee as told by WE, me and he. His story will be in bold so it is easier to follow who is saying what without any confusion or doubt. For exactly 90 days (Jan 7-Apr 7) we attempted to build something that felt so right but ultimately failed. There is fault on both our parts but how much of it will either agree belongs to whom? I will be totally honest, I don’t know where this will go and if we will even get through the entire 90 days in this blog but you’ll have to read and stay tuned to find out.

I am a harmless flirt by nature, it's a Gemini thing.

I have always enjoyed planting flirtatious seeds and leaving them for others to nurture, this is how Gee and I started. The difference this time is I didn't allow anyone else to nurture those seeds, I took care of that myself. There was a shameless flirt exchanged, correct, so I went along not assuming anything and truly wanting nothing more than a date. Gee made a post on Facebook about wanting a movie and dinner date and I flirted with him while responding to his request. The innocent post chatter ended up in my inbox with him saying "keep flirting with me I'm ask for your number and someone gone be upset when I take you out!" My immediate response? I gave him the digits and asked him "now what"? From there, it won't on to texting with an occasional phone call or two. That, all of the texting, was one of my issues with him but that'll be discussed as the blog goes on. No, I don't like to talk on the phone because at the time that was my profession however I made attempts to step outside of my box to make things happen. There was something about Chanel that made me want to know a lil more each day so I put forth that effort.

I had recently been in the hospital and found out I have a heart condition. I had also recently ended a relationship due to poor communication on my behalf. Not really sure on others behalf, never really revisited that situation so I digress and press on with conversation at hand.

As we continued getting to know each other, on a more personal level, I found out not only that he was sick but he was a bus rider like myself. That was a no-no for me but somehow he made it pass that no-no. There had to have been something about him for me to let that slide because I have said I would never date another bus rider, we can't both be on the bus is my thought. One of us has to be mobile but he made it in. Isn't that something? I was not really a bus rider so to speak. My jeep was broken at the time so as a man with responsibilities I had to do what was necessary.

I remember the first time he caught the bus to see me, it was a cold day in January and he came all the way from Mandarin. Did I mention it was cold and he was still sick? I think for me, that sealed the deal! His legs and feet were swollen, he wasn't breathing well and had a horrible cough yet he still came out in the cold weather to see me. On that cold day in Jan it was told to me that I was not to be labeled as single no more, sitting in T.G.I. Fridays and with that, at least, I thought the journey had begun...

FIRST PICTURE AS A COUPLE!

Seems I've been saying that for years though

I think about the many conversations I've had with myself over the years, things around me were absolutely topsy turvy as they've always been since my son's incarceration. I would ask myself every year what it is that I really wanted to do in the upcoming year. I tried to make it as clear as I could to myself ... I just want to find better days. I want to go some place where I can simply be me and live my life; away from the judgmental, fake people and no one caring about no one folk. Where people don't allow anything to hold them back due to fear, people just living how they want to live and no one bothering them. Ya know?

... don't mind me y'all. I'm alright and things will get better. Seems like I've been saying that for years though.

I think about my spirituality and how I have always struggled with faith. Faith is something I know is real and it goes along with the trust and peace I carry in my life that assures me everything will eventually be alright. I have to do better with my lack of faith but it gets rough in this world alone and that's the easiest time to lose faith. If no one knows, it isn't easy out here, I know but I do my best to hang in there and know that better days are coming. It seems I've been saying that for years though.

The days seem long and dark and the nights cold. People are acting like they have lost their minds. Times like these have you thinking about your first breath of the day and if it will be your last first breath. It's kind of funny how this world can treat you, too many problems all around. I try to find a way to escape the madness but end up sitting alone, in silence. I'm not trying to depress anyone, not trying to be dramatic just thinking out loud. Alone time is needed every once in awhile.

I have to stay focused and not lose sight of my goals if I want to finish everything that I have started. Not lose sight of myself even when I am crying on the inside but you'll always see me smiling on the outside because I know eventually everything will be alright. Seems I have been saying that for years though.

When my son was locked up I think I sat around waiting for my life to begin all the while it was slipping away. I was waiting for my better tomorrow but all I did was waste 5 years of my life. Now I'm playing catch up. I've been dealing with a lot of pain, remembering days I had nothing to my name. I don't blame anyone but myself for my past or current situations, I neglected to control the controllable. I've got to get over that many negative things that has happened and begin to heal. I speak it so much over my son but I don't follow my own words. To be honest, I thought I had done that but recent events have shown me

It's all good though, things will get better. Seems I have been saying that for years though.

I think I've learned quite a few lessons from the time my son was locked up to the present. Today has been an okay day, nothing special, nothing good and nothing bad just a day that I have been blessed to see. There are days that I am over the top joyful, days when I am really low and then there are neutral days like today. I don't stress it though, I know better days will come.

SEEMS

THOUGH!!!

Freedom in the Friendship - Part 4: Insecurities & Past Hurt

Although the "twerkin' in the friendship" has been removed, I am happy to say that we are still friends. So many things have transpired since I wrote parts 1-3, so much has been uncovered and truth "sprankled" (yes, with an A) all around that I gave G-D the name #SaltBae because only someone that powerful can put you in places where light can be seen and truths revealed. Those things actually opened up more doors. Before I start this, I want to say I am praying for the healing of my brothers, especially those who have been deeply scarred by previous relationships. I ask that you not allow your pain of the past to keep you from loving again. I pray you can pick yourselves up and allow that woman that you KNOW is good for you to love you. You see her, you talk to her and you feel good when you are around her ... that's just the start. I pray you consume her essence and permit it to permeate through those walls of insecurities little by little, bit by bit.

I know I am not the only who has been friends with someone for awhile and every interaction is full of nothing but positive vibes and fun times, right? Doesn't it make it so easy to want to BURST out of the friend zone like

and cross those lines? Only thing with that is in doing so, doors are opened and behind them are things that you never knew existed. You find out about some of the deepest, darkest secrets of theirs lives; things that you'd never imagine. Some of these things would run a weak minded person away but nope, not you! You don't leave your friend like that because you know THIS is the time you stay and you stand with AND for your friend, letting them know no matter what you'll be there. It's crazy how they can say all the things that you like and want to hear without even realizing. You both know a love is possible but soon as they feel themselves getting closer and becoming vulnerable they run away; not just once but one too many times, running back to the friendship closet. This seems to be the safe haven. You, though, can say unequivocally there has been no doubt in your mind what you want from that friend. Each time they give a reason to walk away from the thought of an "US" they provide another reason to want to try it again. The question you ask yourself then is "what do I have to do to show you that you don't have to prove much to me?" They don't have to impress you ... truth be told them being themselves is all that's needed and most definitely good enough.

Let me make it personal now ... no one is looking for you to have it all together, hell I don't have it all together. How selfish of me would that be? You have all that it takes and that makes you so special to me. Watching you do everything that you do for others, overlooking yourself and your needs has been enlightening. You are so selfless, don't ever change that. Please stay just who you are but I will make ONE request ... stop neglecting yourself. Stop looking the other way when it comes to your needs. Stop running from your chance to be happy, from the potential love that is staring you in your face. Your imperfections make you perfect just the way you are, down to your every flaw. You are dependable, reliable and will do whatever it takes to make sure everything is all right even when you are going through some rough times. Through it all our friendship remains and it isn't going anywhere. I think you know that already, no matter what direction we travel. I believe in you and would love to believe in us but you are afraid, I get it. I am not to blame for the pain caused by anyone before me, so I ask that you not penalize me for it. I know some of where you have been. You have opened up and shared so much of you with me. I feel some of that pain you've felt when we are communicating. I hurt too when learning of the pain you've seen. You've come so far my friend and

I love what you stand for and enjoy watching you put your dreams in action. I wish you could see what I see when I look at you ... all of your goodness, your heart, your perseverance and resilience. I truly want to see you happy regardless and can not stress enough

Let's be strong together!

And for anyone asking or wondering, even though the TWERK has stopped, there's still a bit of a stanky leg going!

Learn to Forgive -Forgiveness Heals

I want to speak on a very serious subject, one that can plague us well into adulthood and although this happens more to mothers than fathers it doesn't discriminate. No one is exempt, even when we think we have it all planned out and the ONE we are with would never do anything to hurt us ... it still happens. It can exist at any time period in our lives; young, grown, single, married, whatever. I am talking about being a single parent of a child who has scars due to an absent parent. Pull on your capes!!

It usually isn't anything that's planned but as with all plans, some are made to be broken. I was a single mother at the age of 18. After spending four years of my teenage life with a young man I just knew I would be with forever, he up and left his unborn child and I after being told about the pregnancy. For years after that I was bitter and I hated him. I actually wished he would die in 1991; crazy part is, he later told me he almost died that year. Be careful what you wish for people. It wasn't too bad being a single mother because shortly after I met my daughters father, who I ended up marrying before my son turned two. He stepped in where my son's biological stepped out. He and his family embraced my son as if he were their own and years later after our failed marriage, my in-laws have not changed. For the first 9 years of my son's life he knew nothing of his biological father and some times I wish I had kept it that way because after he found out things began to change, he began to change. After meeting his biological father for the first time there was still little to no interaction between the two and at that age my son was still very impressionable. It seems that Harry Potter song (even though it wasn't out back then) "SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES" began playing every single day of our lives.

I did not bad mouth my son's biological father to him but I answered any and all questions honestly. I did not sugar coat the situation because I wanted him to know how I loved his father, how I felt his father loved me and most importantly teach him what not to do when he grew up and became a father. As years went on I would notice whenever his father was mentioned there would be a lot of anger and rage projected from my child. There was lots of trouble in school, then the Florida relocation where there was more trouble in school, trouble with the law then incarceration. I don't place all the blame on his fathers absence but I know it played a big part for his behavioral change.

I won't use this time to bad mouth my son's father because what happened has happened and it is in the past. I have forgiven him for what happened and at peace but this seems to be a very hard thing for my son to do. To this day, when his father is mentioned he becomes almost enraged and it's really troubling to see someone have that much hate in their heart for someone who helped create him. No matter how much I try to talk to him about making amends and forgiving him so that HE can heal it falls on deaf ears. I need for him to understand forgiveness is for him, not his father. It's to help him clear the mind clutter and open up his heart for more love because the hate that consumes him now is making him so dark. I have seen this in so many people that have been victims of that unfortunate abandoned child syndrome. It isn't an easy pill to swallow, that whole letting go process, but it is the best one.

Parents of these children, all you can do which is all I tried to do, is overwhelm your children with love. A mothers love is deep and to supply all the love you can, showing them that no matter who isn't there YOU will be there is always the best route. Don't bad mouth the absent parent but share the good times if you have to share anything at all.

Let them, if they are able to make a connection with that absent parent, come up with their own conclusion and not cling on to the one that is drawn from your ill feelings of being left. They already have enough to deal with in trying to get over the fact that they feel someone who should love them doesn't. I can't stress enough how LOVE IS THE KEY! It won't fix everything but you as the single parent can go on with your life knowing you did all you could to show your child they are loved. You did all you could to show them they were not the reason the absent parent left. Some of the ill feelings can be fixed by the present parent doing all they can but sometimes they can't.

For the young adults who have hate and animosity in your heart towards an absent parent, if you have the chance to make it right ... DO SO! This is not for them but for YOU! Harboring that hate only eats you alive and it isn't worth it. Your sanity, peace AND piece of mind are on the line. If you can't close these doors with the absent parent then forgive them anyway, again, it's for you not them. They have missed out on one of the best blessings ever.

Kissing after Cunnilingus- Not if she swallowed - Part 2

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Opinions can kill a vibe!

Today I made what I felt was a simple post on Facebook, it said "Females who get mad at the dude they are dating because he helps his children's mother are the REAL definition of a THOT!" Really, as my daughter so politely commented, they are more of a dumb ass than a thot. Now let me set the tone which I did not have to do on Facebook because I know what I meant and that is that but the thing about social media is once you post ANYTHING you open up discussion for others to offer their opinions. Let me say, just because we don't agree doesn't mean we don't like each other and I cannot, should not deny any sense you may make in your opinion either. With that said, I feel my post was misinterpreted to fit the opinions of others and when that happens it can create rifts in energy making some look bitter and unhappy! I had to ask

I recently had a conversation with a young lady who is pregnant with her second child, both children are by the same young man. This second pregnancy is nothing like the first, she has had multiple complications and as with any co-creation, assistance is often needed. The issue here is that she and the children's father are not together any longer. He barely does anything for the first child and now there is a second child on the way. This isn't a blog about bad choices but how to deal with what's left after the bad choices have been made. Now the father is in a new relationship with a young lady who seems to have jealousy issues. If he does anything for/with the mother for the sake of the children (born and unborn) there's an issue, so much to the point the young man will hang up on the mother/child to prevent from hearing the girlfriends mouth. I was taken back a little at the fact that a man will let another female dictate what he does for his children and their mother. That says a lot about the father as well and not in a good way.

This is what inspired the post and some of the responses truly had me floored. As I said above I did not disclose what prompted my post and did not feel I had to but for the sake of the blog I have. There are several participants on this post but the first one was from a female friend of mine. She, we'll call her female friend #1, said "They should be helping the child and what they need not the mother and her needs." My thought as soon as I read it was how do you just help a child without helping the mother? I am a mother of two and if I received any assistance for them it benefit the entire household. I had another friend add " I have to agree with friend 1 ... do for your child ONLY!!! The child's mother is in NO WAY his responsibility." Again, I am thinking about the reason for my post and my own personal experience as a mother could not wrap my brain around how you help the child(ren) ONLY and not help the mother. Not only that but how an intelligent woman could date a man who does not actively help out with this children. I am not talking about paying rent or bills as this young lady has that on lock. I don't and won't date a man with children under the age of 18, my personal preference, but I will say no matter the age of the children I watch how a man interacts and treats his children. If he is a piss poor father there is no way he can be that great of a man, that's just my opinion. I am not referencing men who are kept from their children by the mothers, that's another blog in itself but those who have ALL ACCESS and won't use it, that's truly

I had three male friends chime in and for the most part they all agreed if their children's mother needed help they would do what was needed. Male friend #1 is not going out like a punk but a real man. He is down for whatever it takes to make sure his child is good. In my opinion, that's what a real man does. Female friend #1 made a comment on male friend #2 comment about the mother utilizing resources like the bus or cabs if she needed to go anywhere and stop being prideful. It's not the fathers responsibility to run her around basically to which I responded "Why should she when her child's father has a car? That's not prideful that's shared responsibility." That's just stupid to me! Why should the mother of your children have to do any of that if you, as a father, have a car and are free to assist in getting her to prenatal appointments, food shopping or taking your child to school and picking her up? Male friend #2 responded "Noooo....if you have custody then you get the child wherever they need to go. It can't be selective shared responsibility. Just because i have a car doesn't mean I am an Uber. When you have custody you have assumed more responsibility over the welfare of the child." I respectfully agreed to disagree but that did not sit well with me at all and it doesn't matter, he's not a father of my children.

So let me bring this to a close, had my two female friends with the strong opinions of how a man shouldn't do anything for the mother, ONLY the children, said "it depends on the situation" it may not have come off so harsh sounding but they were sounding bitter and one of my male friends made reference to that. I agree 100% with them, no man should have to totally support the mother of his children if she is able bodied but just not doing anything. I agree with a father taking full time custodial duties if the mother can't properly take care of the child(ren) but honestly, how many men will step up to the plate on that? Lets be honest. There was a strong assumption that my post was all inclusive of paying the mothers bills and anything else SHE needs when it was only about the needs of the children, born and unborn and of course with the unborn that means the mother has to be involved. No getting around that.

What about my character would make anyone think I would side with a woman who is a piss poor mother? My son's father wasn't there for us so I had to handle parenting for both roles. I won't give ANY female who doesn't take care of her responsibilities a break and will gladly side with the new girlfriend but this was not the case. What it really all boils down to is if you don't want to have to deal with these types of issues at all

So now, I ask a new group of readers

What is your opinion on this matter? I am actually asking for it this time and you have the benefit of knowing the reason being the post. Hope to get some feed back.

Kissing after Cunnilingus- Part 1

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