The name STORM describes my chaotic and unpredictable nature. My GEMINI mind is ALWAYS running. Here you will find the twists, turns & adversities of my life including weight loss/fitness, natural hair care, my son's incarceration, firearm instruction and simply moving along my Journey to 50. May 2019 I obtained my B.S. in Converged Communications and now I am learning to love again. This will be interesting and to it all I say BRING IT!
So I came home Monday, 09/12 to find a Jury Summons in my mailbox! *AAARRRGGGHHHH* I've dodged this bullet for 25 years now and they FINALLY got me! LOL
You don't even get paid for this UNLESS you are unemployed OR your job doesn't pay you! Like REALLY??!?!? BUT WAIT...guess how much the pay is?!?! *wait for it, wait for it* $15 for the 1st 3 days and $30 after the 3rd day if you're chosen! WHAT BILL(S) WILL GET PAID WITH THAT!?!?!
OHEMGEE...who thought to make jury duty a dang on civil duty but not make it a civil duty to compensate you PROPERLY?!?! You take me out of work but won't pay me what I would make to be at work AND tell me it is my civil duty...REALLY?!?! GTFOH!! *WOO SAH*
I will just pray for a "FREE PASS" on the strength of my son being incarcerated because this is for the birds right here!!
OK...now you know ONE of the things that GRINDS MY GEARS!!!
I am 5 days away from a true EMPTY NEST!! *sigh* The days seem to grow shorter and shorter as time approaches for my mini me to return back to VA and begin her journey towards the USAF enlistment! *PROUD MOM HERE*
I have found myself randomly thinking...A LOT...this week, some of the oddest of thoughts too.
My hair appointment to become part of #TEAMNATURAL is Friday at 7:30pm. I shiver at the thought. I keep hearing "its only hair" and "girl it'll grow back before you know it". I know both of those things but dang...I have quite a bit of hair now, hair that I've been growing for some time. I guess I am just supposed to let this go, aye? That's how this works...humph...that's how this works.
RANDOM THOUGHT: So I am sitting downtown waiting on the bus and suddenly it hits me AGAIN that I will be by myself in Jacksonville as of September 19th. You ever been surrounded by SO many people (friends, associates, acquaintances, frenemies, strangers) YET still feel alone? I mean UTTERLY alone...that's how I am feeling at this very moment.
*sigh* That's all for now...the way my mind is running there will be more blogging shortly.
So I am just returning from the JAGUARS/TITANS game (GO JAGUARS)! There is NOTHING like pro football, I tell ya! Upon my arrival I see my sweet face grand-daughter Daysha and my "mini-me", Deondrea who, as of 09/19/11, will no longer reside in the state of Florida...baby girl is leaving me to return home to VA (2 up 2 down y'all) and go into the USAF!! *sigh* I am EXTREMELY happy for her but each day that passes now I am saddened more and more.
BUT also with the departure of my daughter comes the count down to #TEAMNATURAL!! I want to get it done immediately after work Friday but if not it'll be early Saturday morning. I am sitting here looking at how much my hair has grown
(damn I look like I am straight out of a 2 year bid in the penitentiary - *thanks Kat* LOL)and it is making it really tough for me to keep my natural decision. *sigh* Why can't things be simple or are they? Do we make things SO much harder than they should be? I do believe so...
Just know this is 3 months worth of new growth at the root that I know if relaxed would make a BEAUTIFUL wrap but I am sticking to my guns and taking #TEAMNATURAL by storm. I've been keeping my hair out of sight, out of mind
but taking it out today for the game just reminded me what I have underneath and *sigh* it's been a battle today, I tell ya!!
Well that's all I have for today. Tomorrow I am sure will spawn more blogging...
TRANSITION: a movement, development or evolution from one form to another
*sigh* I wake up and look at these corn rows in my 3 month unrelaxed hair....then I look over at the sandy blonde curly wig I have been sporting. *sigh again* I love that little wig and the long "BEYONCE" one I have at the apartment too but my own hair needs to breathe.
I want to cut my hair all off and be naturally beautiful but then I look at previous pictures of my own hair with that splash of blonde and think I AIN'T DOIN THIS!!! *sigh*
What am I going through? What makes one wait for their 40's to want to make life altering changes? *sigh*
It all takes me to this song though, THIS particular version...I watch India change up hair/dress styles but I see her true joy and freedom in her natural state. She says "...time to become the woman I am inside..." but dang does it take me to reach my 40's to find her...the woman inside or am I simply going through something that I can't put my finger on and now I am "acting out"? Me and my random thoughts...
On this MISSION IMPOSSIBLE journey I have found myself feeling SOME KINDA WAY here lately. I am so apprehensve about the things I have set before me but not fully understanding why.
Could it be:
1) It's been 5 years since beginning my BS in Communications yet I've decided to finally return
2) My hair is longer now than it's been in years yet I've decided to cut it ALL off and go natural
3) I've been single for almost 3 years yet I've decided to re-enter the dating game
Are these the things about my MISSION IMPOSSIBLE that have me feeling SOME KINDA WAY or is it procrastination? Has it all been brought on due to the "empty nest" that I am about to have? Why am I holding myself back? What is it I fear? What do I need to do to change this thought process I seem to be fixed in? I am so vexxed at the way I am feeling.
Seeking my FATHER in all this, I need HIS guidance!!
Head, shoulders, knees and toes
Lips, my eyes, my mouth, my nose
They all go against what
Society calls beautiful
I'm left handed in my right mind
I'm pleasantly plump a phat dime
Black as night and a bright night
As you can see I am beautiful me
I was born in the winter, the day after the tenth
And it's hard to deliver, Scorpio energy's so intense
Make me wanna hollar, now I know what Marvin meant
The industry's so cold, give me the things
To my ancestors you owe, so
Head, shoulders knees and toes
Lips, my eyes, my mouth, my nose
They all go against what
Society calls beautiful
I'm left handed in my right mind
I'm pleasantly plump a phat dime
Black as night and a bright night
As you can see I am beautiful me
Said, American music was built upon my back
R and B, soul, your rock and roll
Your blues, your ragtime and your jazz
Yes, I herald the gospel, funk, hip-hop, techno
And I'll sing forever in the name of the American Negro
I'm not a Niger I'm a Negro
When I become a Niger I'll let you know
Head, shoulders knees and toes
Lips, my eyes, my mouth, my nose
They all go against what
Society calls beautiful
Head, shoulders knees and toes
Lips, my eyes, my mouth, my nose
They all go against what
Society calls beautiful
Head, shoulders knees and toes
Lips, my eyes, my mouth, my nose
They all go against what
Society calls beautiful
I'm left handed in my right mind
I'm pleasantly plump a phat dime
Black as night and a bright night
As you can see I am beautiful me
I'm not a Niger I'm a Negro
When I become a Niger I'll let you know
I'm not a Niger I'm a Negro
When I become a Niger I'll let you know
(Repeat until it fades)
It has been a long time since I've written any blogs but so many things have happened since that time and now it's time to 'relax, release and relate' about it all! September 1st marked a decision making process for me and I decided to call it "MISSION IMPOSSIBLE" - the newest part of my life that alters all that I have been doing and the way of life as I have known it. Why call it "MISSION IMPOSSIBLE"?!?! Well the things I am about to do I thought to be impossible for whatever reasons I decided to give myself but through prayer and support I know now that NOT to be true.
Long story short: Jacksonville, FL relocation 2002, former on air personality but presently a retail sales store manager full time and would LOVE to go back to radio and be an emcee/hostess ALL the time (GOD ITS COMING). I am a mother of 2 (22 yr old son & 20 yr old daughter) and grandmother of 2 beautiful grand-daughters (thanks to my son)!
My son is incarcerated for 66 months, sentenced in 2009 and my daughter, who has been #TEAMNATURAL for the past 15 months, just recently decided to enlist in the USAF which means I will have an EMPTY NEST. As parents we ALL dream of this day but Lord knows when it happens it's one of the most depressing and sad moments of your life. You are happy for your children as they move on but *in frantic voice*WHAT AM I TO DO NOW??!? *sigh* You would think I would be spending time with my other half but he is non-existent for almost 3 years now! *double sigh*
SO as a result of the "long story short" 3 things have been set in to motion:
1) 2 weeks from the date of this blog I will go #TEAMNATURAL and I am BEYOND ready! My daughter has truly been an inspiration to me during her #TEAMNATURAL journey over the past 15 months. I have been preparing for the past 3 months and I feel it's time to be the new me! I LOVE YOU DEE DEE!!
2) Re-enroll in school and complete my BS before my son's release in 2015. I was so unable to concentrate thinking about what he was going through behind those walls but I had to realize and he pointed it out to me that he put himself there and I need to stop beating myself up and holding myself back because of his mistakes. I LOVE YOU TE'!
3) Open up to dating! I have been so surly to my suitors for the past 2.5 years and have probably run away some very good men as a result of this. I felt I didn't have time for any additions to my life with all that I felt was going on in my life.
I had nothing but EXCUSES to prevent me from being happy. I've been so bottled up and consumed with my son's incarceration, making sure my daughter and grand-daughters were ok in life even though I was not OK. There are things that I still will not do as a result of making sure my LEGACY is ok but the 3 point "MISSION IMPOSSIBLE" list WILL be completed AND in a timely fashion!
Follow me through my journey and feel free to comment and share your thoughts. I am open to them so until the next time be NATURALLY HAPPY!
