It all begins on the day 2021 crept into my life like a thief in the night and changed all of the settings. I went to sleep on a Thursday night in the COVID ridden year of 2020 and awakened on a Friday in 2021. I didn't feel any different but I knew something different was going to happen. My daughter and I had just made it to Virginia. We were visiting family for the holiday and 'on-call' if the hospital were to call my sister, who was out of town, and they needed someone to come to the hospital. Our mother had been hospitalized for a few weeks at that point and the prognosis was not looking too good.
At this point, on Day 1, in my life I was doing several things; working on a 30 lbs in 90 days weightloss challenge (with myself), preparing for the 21 day clean eating/raw vegan challenge, and vlogging daily inspirational videos which included the 7 principles of Kwanzaa as we waltzed out of 2020. This was day 7, Imani which means Faith. I had faith that it would all work out just fine. Peep the video and subscribe to the channel.
Page 1 was uneventful but page 2 proved itself not to be outdone by anything 2020 had brought our way. That rising I spoke of several things; chosing a word for the year, reflecting on 2020 and being present in the now. All too often we worry about whats to come knowing full well we can only live one moment at a time. We miss the present worrying about the future, take time to enjoy the current moments. As for my word of the year - THRIVE. Too often we just exist, going about our daily mundane routines. I no longer wanted to live that way, I'd done it for the last 20 years of my life. I was ready to prosper, develop into who I am truly meant to me. I want to give birth to the many ideas I have and watch them flourish.
2021 should be a year like no other. And after all of that joyful rising thinking, 2021 showed out in a different way. This is the day our beloved mother, Avis Vann Freeman, transitioned. Was her transitioning expected? Yes unfortunately but that does not make it any easier. My sisters, Ebony and Cheri, as well as myself and the doctor had just spoken about her declining status. It wasn't even a full 5 mintues after that conversation ended that I received the call of her death. From our many conversations since my step father passed December 2017 I felt this is what she wanted, to be reunited with her long time companion as well as her mother, grandmother and a host of other family members who passed on before her. This was also the day I stopped taking COVID-19 lightly. My mother entered the hospital negative and passed away positive. This was given to her in the facility. That angered me so much but what could I do? Nothing but cry, tears of pain mixed with tears of joy knowing that my mother was suffering no more. The last time I saw her up, vibrant, mobile and somewhat herself was for her suprise 70th b-earthday party just 3 months earlier.
Her decline was swift after that but I have nothing but a beautiful memory of that last living encounter. I remember this beautiful face, smiling and taking in all of the family and friends who love her coming together to honor her. Her fussing at me for being loud when I was singing, just the joy she had in that moment.
This was one miserable day. I did not know how I was going to break the news to my son who is unable to leave Florida until Febraury 20th. He was not able to celebrate his grandmother with the rest of the family. My heart hurt so much having to break that news to him which created another pain of which I had to deal. He spoke of her often, how he couldn't wait to visit home, hug and kiss all over her. When they last spoke on the phone he told her he was going to do those things when he saw her and of course she laughed. At least he has that happy memory to hold on to.
Thanks to two of the best friends ever all of this was a bit easier to cope. When I told them of my mother's passing one quickly put together a girls evening at her place and the other two of us immediately accepted. Theresa AKA Binky and Jewel ... I love them like sisters. My mother always asked about these ladies whenever I visited home. These are truly my A1 Day 1's. The adventures and stories are numerous and the love is immeasurable. When the Most High put us three June Gemini together it was definitely a match made in heaven and a life long relationship for the books.
These are my forever girls and they were right there for me. I honestly expected nothing less. They allowed me to grieve but not gravel in my sorrow. We laughed, joked and reminisced of our times together back in the day to include times that involved my mom. They were like daughters to her and she loved them just as much as I do. I am more than thankful for them. They were a huge part helping me deal with the pain. This is an unbreakable bond ... one that I am forever grateful.
Page 3 was hard. I had the time to think about what really happened the day before. It was Sunday yet still a splendifferous (spelled with 2 F's purposefully) even after our loss on the day prior. How you ask? Becuase we gained an Ancestor. She is among beloved family members who had transitioned before her. We have another beautiful soul watching over us guiding our way. As much as it hurts, we know she is no longer suffering and is now sleeping in peace. My rising thoughts were simply to be less selfish. As I stated previously, my mother went in COVID negative and transitioned COVID positive which means she contracted it in the health facility. I am mindful of who I am around as I don't know who they've been around. I am not taking this disease lightly anymore. The thought of my mother having to suffer alone, with no family due to this disease was tearing me up inside. No one should have to go through that but so many are so please people, stop being so selfish.
The attitude of gratitude kicked in heavily on page 4 as the love, condolences and prayers were rolling in. No one has to give any of that so when people take time out of there day to send well wishes it should be appreciated. I started this marvelous Monday, my favorite day of the week, off in usual fashion - with an elliptical workout while listening to 'The Miracle of Mindness' by Thich Nhat Hanh, attempting to help my mind be still. It is such a busy space and my mother transitioning only made the noise louder. As tough as all of this is I still had not seen either of my sisters so the tough part is yet to come. Those were my feelings that rising as we prepared to hit 95-S and head back to Florida and once I put my eyes on my sister all was well. I had to repeat to myself that everything was going to be alright because I know ... as we speak it, it is so and back to FL we would go.
Here we are on page 5 and we are now back in Florida and supposedly back to work as if nothing had happened but it definitely had. I initially thought this was going to be a short week because we would be heading back to Virginia for my mothers homegoing services but I decided to simply take the week off. I really wasn't ready to return. The type of work I do deals with taking calls from thousands of people who are having a difficult time with finances due to COVID-19 and lack of work. I was already in a dark, down place and this definitely wasn't going to help at all. I did have to remind myself that my attitude belongs to me, rather I have a good or bad one so those people or anyone I encountered deserved a happier me. I had to toughen up. It was hard but I did it. Afterall, my word for the year is THRIVE and that is exactly what I intend to do in spite of and regardless to what is going on around me and in my life. I had to start the day with a walk along the Blue Cypress Park trail and pier in hopes it would make my day and night better as I have not been sleeping well since mom's transition. Needless to say it didn't help my sleep but it did a lot for my day.
Page 6, I awakened to the thought of my mother and my sisters. Time seems to be moving so swiftly. It's Wednesday already ... wonderful, woman crush Wednesday. I was crushing on my sisters really bad, they are truly strong women. They received word of mom's passing while out of town and had to come back and make funeral arrangements. I can't even imagine how this has to be affecting them. My sister has been my mothers caregiver since my step-father transitioned December 2017. From Doctors appointments to dialysis to wherever she needed to go my sister either took her or facilitated how she would get there. I was more worried about her than anything and did my best to check on her without being an overbearing older sibling. My other sister/aunt Cheri is our 'White Coat' of the family and she's been through some hard losses over the years. Her mother (my grandmother) passed when she was really young and in a matter of a few weeks her step-mother and her sister (my mother) who both had a hand in raising her transitioned. This is a really tough time for both of them and I want nothing more than to be there for them in any way that I can.
By this time we had been informed of the funeral arrangements so preparations to return home had begun. We had just returned 2 days ago and these are not inexpensive trips. I am ever grateful for my in-laws, they allow me to stay at there home when I visit. That takes the burden of finding a hotel room during this time of COVID-19 ridden businesses. There was all this talk about the second stimulus check at this time as well, which neither my daughter nor I had received. It definitely would have been a nice addition to the travel funds. The first one came our way with the swiftness and we were hoping the second one would follow suit but when we checked the IRS site we both had the 'Status Not Available' message. Come to find out, CNBC reported taxpayers with that message won't receive a second stimulus automatically but it would have to be claimed on your taxes. I'm glad I'm a saver because that would have dampened my spirits for sure.
I had to get in my happy place as we prepared to travel tomorrow. I'd been thinking of others and attempting to make them happy, ease some of thier pains but stopped thinking of myself. I had to remind myself not to forget myself and my happiness hence my rising message ... take a listen.
Page 7 we were back on the road again. Mom's homegoing is Saturday. Those five days since she transitioned has flown by so quickly and now it's time to put her flesh to rest. It's thankful Thursday and I am so thankful for the time she and I had together. Our relationship became better when I moved to Florida and those 19 years here, she died on my relocation anniversary date, were full of growth and love between us.
The first week/seven pages of Chapter 1 has been one for the record. The travel back and forth to Virginia, the lack of sleep, no motivation to get up and workout, etc. etc. in a cashmere sweater. It was just overwhelming to say the least but it did not stop me from rising and posting my motivational, encouraging word for the day which was 'Let people do what they need to do to make them happy and you do what you need to do make you happy! Mind your business.' Take a listen.
The next 9 hours were spent on 95-N headed to Virginia ... tired but grateful.
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