Holiday Blues - Mother of an Incarcerated Son

I want to start by saying HAPPY HOLIDAYS to any and all who read my blog. I observe Christmas but in light of the diversity on the world wide web I strive not to offend anyone.

By now you know I'm the mother of an incarcerated son named Dante'. He is housed in a correctional institution in the upstanding JUST-US system of the great state of Florida (said with ALL the sarcasm I could muster). No, as I've said numerous times before, I am not disputing that my son should be there but those of you news watchers and readers know ALL to well why I mock this wonderful system in place here in the sunny state.

Dante's release date as of today is 07/08/14 but can be earlier with any gain time accrued. I can not truly contain my joy in knowing this'll soon be over nor can I hide the fear of what is yet to come for my son, the African American felon. These thoughts have marinated in my mind for about 2 months now and it has made this holiday season even harder to enjoy.

Days leading up to the holiday season were really tough for me, not only do I have an empty nest and an incarcerated son I am also single ... talk about a PROZAC moment!! No, I'm just kidding but it can be really stressful and almost depressing watching those you love and are surrounded by enjoy the hustle and bustle of the holiday season with loved ones and not be able to enjoy it that way. It's been the same every year since 2009 so I move on and get over it but it doesn't stop it from being a major thorn in my side or pain in my chest.

Dante' has been in solitary confinement since the week of Thanksgiving. It seems he has been in confinement for the past 2 seasons because our last holiday pictures together was in 2011. You'd think that since my son has been in and out of trouble for a while and in prison since 2009 I'd be over it but I'm not. I sometimes wish it were that easy but its so far from it and most will never understand unless you've been in these shoes.

I have a daughter, Deondrea, who returned home in 2010. I've not spent a holiday with her since 2009 and that just puts the icing on the cake of my Holiday Blues. Its funny how as parents when our children were younger we wish them out of the house but when it's time for the EMPTY NEST it is NO FUN!

I am extremely grateful for my 2 grand-daughters the Heavenly Father allowed Dante' to produce. It has been an absolute joy watching them grow which has also made this 66 month sentence fly by. Miss Daysha Michelle and Miss Mi'Jael Chaylea have been 2 of the best gifts I could ever be given. Spending Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with the 2 of them lifted my Holiday Blues for a little while but as always it comes right back. Looking at my grand-daughters knowing they are an extension of my son, seeing characteristics and mannerisms in them is a tear jerker for me. They are my little angels and I wouldn't trade my Vann girls for nothing in the world!

God willing, this will be the last holiday without my children, my family and the Holiday Blues will prayerfully cease to exist.