The name STORM describes my chaotic and unpredictable nature. My GEMINI mind is ALWAYS running. Here you will find the twists, turns & adversities of my life including weight loss/fitness, natural hair care, my son's incarceration, firearm instruction and simply moving along my Journey to 50. May 2019 I obtained my B.S. in Converged Communications and now I am learning to love again. This will be interesting and to it all I say BRING IT!
Today started out incredibly rough. I knew upon awakening that I wanted this day to be over expeditiously. My chest was heavy and my head begin to hurt at the thought that I could not pick up the phone to call my mother and wish her a Happy Mother's Day. To hear her cheerful voice respond "thank you baby. Happy Mother's Day to you too."
As I mustered the emotional and mental strength to get up and record my daily video message I had a long talk with myself. I said "self ... we will not cry during this recording today, okay?" Self seem to have understood but simply did not want to comply and I would find that out momentarily.
My Mother's Day message started out good and I felt confident in keeping the tears at bay, that is until I began to speak about not having your mother on Mother's Day. Almost every conversation and beautiful memory began to flash before my eyes and well, there came the tears.
From a baby to her death she was always a beautiful woman. She didn't smile much in her latter years but when she did it lit up a room.
Wasn't she just adorable?? #MyMom
One of my favorite aunties, Aunt Gloria, with my mom and grandmother. A beautiful trio of Ancestors.
That last picture of my mother, my sister and I was the weekend we celebrated her 70th B-earthday. She was so surprised that I made it. I had told her I was unsure if I would. These are just a few of the memories flashing before my eyes.
This would also be the last visit that I would see my mothers fleshly presence.
After my recording, I sat at my desk and cried ... silently with a few sniffles here and there but quietly. It wasn't until my partner entered the front room that I finally let go. As soon as he wrapped me in his arms everything I'd been holding in since my mother's transitioning released. It was a cry like I hadn't experienced in years. Honestly, since my son was sentenced to 66 months in prison at the age of 17. This feeling made every part of me ache, from the top of my head to the soles of my feet. My soul wept. It felt like this cry was going on forever and didn't want to stop. My giver of life was no longer among us. I am now a motherless child. Her earthly assignment had been fulfilled and the Most High said "well done my child". We know that death is inevitable and at some point we will all transition but that does not lessen the pain.
I decided to get up and take a walk by the water to clear my mind. Before that happened my son called to wish me a Happy Mother's Day. We spoke briefly of our ancestors, his 3 grandmothers; my mom Avis, his great-grandmother Barbara and his great great-grandmother Grace and how he has lots of strong women watching over him, over us.
I finally left for my walk and wouldn't you know it ... I left my headphones on my bed. Needless to say I thought about canceling this walk because what's a walk without music, right? But something told me to keep going as this would serve as the perfect time to converse with my mom. It was incredibly hot but there was an unbelievable breeze and plenty of shade along the trail so all was well.
On this walk, as she and I talked a beautiful red bird flew in front of me and landed on an eye level branch. I smiled as I thought how odd that was. It was so close I could've touched it. As I continued my walk and talk I began to feel ill. During this time I spoke of my grandmother Barbara and a beautiful blue bird flew over and landed on a nearby branch, much higher than the red bird but it sat so it could clearly be seen. Again I thought how odd yet beautiful. I don't usually see these birds during my trail walks. Afterwards, I spoke of my great-grandmother Grace after which time a beautiful black butterfly seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. I've seen plenty of butterflies on the trail but never a solid black one and as soon as it appeared it disappeared.
I didn't think much of this until I made it to my vehicle. The more I walked the worse I felt. I don't know what's going on with my body these days but working out in the hot elements no longer works for me. Once I was in my vehicle I sat with the a/c on full blast and thought about those 3 beautiful creatures that crossed my path. Never before had this happened during my walks.
Were they messengers? Could they have been my ancestors? From what I've read today, they absolutely were. That made my day somewhat better but the pain was still there. I've been told with time the wound heals but I don't think so. My grandmother Barbara transitioned 06/10/1988 and each year that passes feels like it was just yesterday. I'm grateful for their visit today. They knew what I needed.
Please love and cherish your mother/parents while they are alive because once they're gone you'll never have another.
Happy heavenly Mother's Day to my 3 beautiful spirit guides/angels - Avis, Barbara and Grace. Thank you for watching over me, over us.
I am amazed that I only blogged once in 2020 and that was the 2019 wrap up. There was so much to talk about in 2020 and I missed it all ... somewhat. They will defintely be in my Facebook memories and I'll probably blog about them as well but this is NOT that blog! No sir/ma'am! This is all about my Chapter 1, 31 pages of changes to kick off 2021.
It all begins on the day 2021 crept into my life like a thief in the night and changed all of the settings. I went to sleep on a Thursday night in the COVID ridden year of 2020 and awakened on a Friday in 2021. I didn't feel any different but I knew something different was going to happen. My daughter and I had just made it to Virginia. We were visiting family for the holiday and 'on-call' if the hospital were to call my sister, who was out of town, and they needed someone to come to the hospital. Our mother had been hospitalized for a few weeks at that point and the prognosis was not looking too good.
At this point, on Day 1, in my life I was doing several things; working on a 30 lbs in 90 days weightloss challenge (with myself), preparing for the 21 day clean eating/raw vegan challenge, and vlogging daily inspirational videos which included the 7 principles of Kwanzaa as we waltzed out of 2020. This was day 7, Imani which means Faith. I had faith that it would all work out just fine. Peep the video and subscribe to the channel.
Page 1 was uneventful but page 2 proved itself not to be outdone by anything 2020 had brought our way. That rising I spoke of several things; chosing a word for the year, reflecting on 2020 and being present in the now. All too often we worry about whats to come knowing full well we can only live one moment at a time. We miss the present worrying about the future, take time to enjoy the current moments. As for my word of the year - THRIVE. Too often we just exist, going about our daily mundane routines. I no longer wanted to live that way, I'd done it for the last 20 years of my life. I was ready to prosper, develop into who I am truly meant to me. I want to give birth to the many ideas I have and watch them flourish.
2021 should be a year like no other. And after all of that joyful rising thinking, 2021 showed out in a different way. This is the day our beloved mother, Avis Vann Freeman, transitioned. Was her transitioning expected? Yes unfortunately but that does not make it any easier. My sisters, Ebony and Cheri, as well as myself and the doctor had just spoken about her declining status. It wasn't even a full 5 mintues after that conversation ended that I received the call of her death. From our many conversations since my step father passed December 2017 I felt this is what she wanted, to be reunited with her long time companion as well as her mother, grandmother and a host of other family members who passed on before her. This was also the day I stopped taking COVID-19 lightly. My mother entered the hospital negative and passed away positive. This was given to her in the facility. That angered me so much but what could I do? Nothing but cry, tears of pain mixed with tears of joy knowing that my mother was suffering no more. The last time I saw her up, vibrant, mobile and somewhat herself was for her suprise 70th b-earthday party just 3 months earlier.
Her decline was swift after that but I have nothing but a beautiful memory of that last living encounter. I remember this beautiful face, smiling and taking in all of the family and friends who love her coming together to honor her. Her fussing at me for being loud when I was singing, just the joy she had in that moment.
This was one miserable day. I did not know how I was going to break the news to my son who is unable to leave Florida until Febraury 20th. He was not able to celebrate his grandmother with the rest of the family. My heart hurt so much having to break that news to him which created another pain of which I had to deal. He spoke of her often, how he couldn't wait to visit home, hug and kiss all over her. When they last spoke on the phone he told her he was going to do those things when he saw her and of course she laughed. At least he has that happy memory to hold on to.
Thanks to two of the best friends ever all of this was a bit easier to cope. When I told them of my mother's passing one quickly put together a girls evening at her place and the other two of us immediately accepted. Theresa AKA Binky and Jewel ... I love them like sisters. My mother always asked about these ladies whenever I visited home. These are truly my A1 Day 1's. The adventures and stories are numerous and the love is immeasurable. When the Most High put us three June Gemini together it was definitely a match made in heaven and a life long relationship for the books.
These are my forever girls and they were right there for me. I honestly expected nothing less. They allowed me to grieve but not gravel in my sorrow. We laughed, joked and reminisced of our times together back in the day to include times that involved my mom. They were like daughters to her and she loved them just as much as I do. I am more than thankful for them. They were a huge part helping me deal with the pain. This is an unbreakable bond ... one that I am forever grateful.
Page 3 was hard. I had the time to think about what really happened the day before. It was Sunday yet still a splendifferous (spelled with 2 F's purposefully) even after our loss on the day prior. How you ask? Becuase we gained an Ancestor. She is among beloved family members who had transitioned before her. We have another beautiful soul watching over us guiding our way. As much as it hurts, we know she is no longer suffering and is now sleeping in peace. My rising thoughts were simply to be less selfish. As I stated previously, my mother went in COVID negative and transitioned COVID positive which means she contracted it in the health facility. I am mindful of who I am around as I don't know who they've been around. I am not taking this disease lightly anymore. The thought of my mother having to suffer alone, with no family due to this disease was tearing me up inside. No one should have to go through that but so many are so please people, stop being so selfish.
The attitude of gratitude kicked in heavily on page 4 as the love, condolences and prayers were rolling in. No one has to give any of that so when people take time out of there day to send well wishes it should be appreciated. I started this marvelous Monday, my favorite day of the week, off in usual fashion - with an elliptical workout while listening to 'The Miracle of Mindness' by Thich Nhat Hanh, attempting to help my mind be still. It is such a busy space and my mother transitioning only made the noise louder. As tough as all of this is I still had not seen either of my sisters so the tough part is yet to come. Those were my feelings that rising as we prepared to hit 95-S and head back to Florida and once I put my eyes on my sister all was well. I had to repeat to myself that everything was going to be alright because I know ... as we speak it, it is so and back to FL we would go.
Here we are on page 5 and we are now back in Florida and supposedly back to work as if nothing had happened but it definitely had. I initially thought this was going to be a short week because we would be heading back to Virginia for my mothers homegoing services but I decided to simply take the week off. I really wasn't ready to return. The type of work I do deals with taking calls from thousands of people who are having a difficult time with finances due to COVID-19 and lack of work. I was already in a dark, down place and this definitely wasn't going to help at all. I did have to remind myself that my attitude belongs to me, rather I have a good or bad one so those people or anyone I encountered deserved a happier me. I had to toughen up. It was hard but I did it. Afterall, my word for the year is THRIVE and that is exactly what I intend to do in spite of and regardless to what is going on around me and in my life. I had to start the day with a walk along the Blue Cypress Park trail and pier in hopes it would make my day and night better as I have not been sleeping well since mom's transition. Needless to say it didn't help my sleep but it did a lot for my day.
Page 6, I awakened to the thought of my mother and my sisters. Time seems to be moving so swiftly. It's Wednesday already ... wonderful, woman crush Wednesday. I was crushing on my sisters really bad, they are truly strong women. They received word of mom's passing while out of town and had to come back and make funeral arrangements. I can't even imagine how this has to be affecting them. My sister has been my mothers caregiver since my step-father transitioned December 2017. From Doctors appointments to dialysis to wherever she needed to go my sister either took her or facilitated how she would get there. I was more worried about her than anything and did my best to check on her without being an overbearing older sibling. My other sister/aunt Cheri is our 'White Coat' of the family and she's been through some hard losses over the years. Her mother (my grandmother) passed when she was really young and in a matter of a few weeks her step-mother and her sister (my mother) who both had a hand in raising her transitioned. This is a really tough time for both of them and I want nothing more than to be there for them in any way that I can.
By this time we had been informed of the funeral arrangements so preparations to return home had begun. We had just returned 2 days ago and these are not inexpensive trips. I am ever grateful for my in-laws, they allow me to stay at there home when I visit. That takes the burden of finding a hotel room during this time of COVID-19 ridden businesses. There was all this talk about the second stimulus check at this time as well, which neither my daughter nor I had received. It definitely would have been a nice addition to the travel funds. The first one came our way with the swiftness and we were hoping the second one would follow suit but when we checked the IRS site we both had the 'Status Not Available' message. Come to find out, CNBC reported taxpayers with that message won't receive a second stimulus automatically but it would have to be claimed on your taxes. I'm glad I'm a saver because that would have dampened my spirits for sure.
I had to get in my happy place as we prepared to travel tomorrow. I'd been thinking of others and attempting to make them happy, ease some of thier pains but stopped thinking of myself. I had to remind myself not to forget myself and my happiness hence my rising message ... take a listen.
Page 7 we were back on the road again. Mom's homegoing is Saturday. Those five days since she transitioned has flown by so quickly and now it's time to put her flesh to rest. It's thankful Thursday and I am so thankful for the time she and I had together. Our relationship became better when I moved to Florida and those 19 years here, she died on my relocation anniversary date, were full of growth and love between us.
The first week/seven pages of Chapter 1 has been one for the record. The travel back and forth to Virginia, the lack of sleep, no motivation to get up and workout, etc. etc. in a cashmere sweater. It was just overwhelming to say the least but it did not stop me from rising and posting my motivational, encouraging word for the day which was 'Let people do what they need to do to make them happy and you do what you need to do make you happy! Mind your business.' Take a listen.
The next 9 hours were spent on 95-N headed to Virginia ... tired but grateful.
Some of you know but most of you don't but my Sun (from the Mothers of an Incarcerated Son blog) has been locked up again since 2018. He has been in a work release facility for months now, working, preparing to be a productive member of society and due to be a "free man" Febraury 2021. As I attempt to prepare room for him in my 2 bedroom 2 bath apartment that I presently share with my daugther, I think about how unprepared I truly am.
Recently, he informed us that he has a fractured wrist/hand. This is the same hand that was injured while he was in prison and now it is injured again due to a recent work injury. When he called to advise the discussion about the care of his hand/wrist he also advised that his release date may have been moved up. We thought it was at the end of February but he says he was told it's now the beginning of February.
I'm very happy, please don't think I am not, but definitely ill-prepared for a house full. I love them to life. It's time for a bigger place! SIDE NOTE: I'm so jealous of this picture. My loves were able to connect while I worked. I love me some them.
We have been through tougher times than this ... I'm built for this! WE ARE BUILT FOR THIS!
On January 2, 2021 the woman who gave me life lost hers. Our mother took her last breath alone, thanks to COVID-19, in the hospital sometime after one o'clock that afternoon. I'd never seen a baby picture of my mother until she transitioned. She was the cutest little baby I've ever seen.
This is definitely a different kind of pain, on different levels. Losing a parent is an extremely painful, indescribable feeling. It's one that you can never prepare for even though we know we will all transition one day. Living in another state and not being able to see, speak to or love on her as she declined. These levels of pain truly have me feeling empty. Grief takes you through may stages of emotion - happy, sad, resentful, angry, etc. and you have to work through them but at your pace. Grieve in your own time and on your own terms.
Having lived in Florida the past 19 years, being alone has been the way of life for me. Before my grandchildren were born, it was just my son, my daughter and I and if you've read my previous blogs you know these years have not been kind. Every trial, every pain, every moment I dealt with alone. There was no family to run to or call that would be here for me, it was and still is just me hence the reason I deal with most things in solitary. At the funeral home, while viewing our mothers body, I was in a room full of people I loved but felt totally invisible at that moment as I sat staring at our mothers body and drifting off in my mind. I wanted to cry and hug anyone in that room that would allow me too but I was unable because it didn't feel natural. Being used to dealing with so much hurt and pain alone has been my life since moving here so that's where I stayed. I overstood at that very moment how you can be in a crowded room but still feel like you're the only one there. I get it now.
Last time I saw our mother before her transition was for her 70th B-earthday party, 10/31/2020. She turned 70 on 11/03 but the weekend was an easier way to get everyone together. She was speaking and moving okay at that time, a little slow but okay nonetheless. I did not imagine she'd decline so quickly. One of the things that has hurt the most is I didn't get to speak with her much after that and none in December. I would call her cell and it would go to voice mail most days. Sometimes I would call my sister to ask if mom had her cell phone with her and it would be right next to her on the bed. The last call to my sister to check on mom she was in a rehabilitation facility. My sister was with my mom and asked her about her calls to which our mom replied "I don't feel like talking. You can tell her what I'm saying." We both laughed and got off of the phone. I knew our mother was in the beginning stages of Dementia. As a result of this and her declining health my last verbal correspondence with her was in November. It hurts.
These are the thoughts that played over and over in my mind as I set at the funeral home looking at her body in that coffin, during the funeral proceedings and as I go about my daily activities since her transition. Being absent from those last moments of her life haunt me but knowing she was in good hands brings some peace. Between my sisters Ebony and Cheri she was well cared for. I commend my sister Ebony for all she did for our mother. All she has gone through taking care of our mother down to the very end. From doctors appointments to dialysis, to her home going services and burial ... she did that. It took a lot of strength to do all she's done and I am grateful that mom had her to be there and take care of her the way she did. The job is done Ebony. May the Most High continue to bless you for a job well done.
My mothers passing showed me quite a few things but the most important thing is to never live unhappily. I have let a lot of things get to me ... no more! I am thankful for all of the conversations she and I had. For the many things that she told me and the fact that she is no longer unhappy. She can now rest and as she rests, I too will rest.
I can not believe how FAST these 10 years have flown by! I remember thinking "I'll be 40 next year!" Funny thing is now I am saying "I can't wait to turn 50 next year!" It's like I blinked and POOF here comes 2020. As I look back I begin to toot my own horn and sing my own praises. I think I rocked the hell out of my 40's! I actually did a Benjanette Buttons on y'all! I mean that with every ounce of my being. I want to start off this decade wrap up with the goals I set for myself upon turning 40. I wrote a REINVENTION OF MS. CHANEL: MISSION IMPOSSIBLE blog (check it out) detailing a few things I wanted to accomplish in my 40's and they were as follows: return to my natural roots, finish the degree that I started in 2006 and open myself up to dating again. I accomplished every goal I set too! After almost 6 years of being single and celibate I fell in love with someone who rejected me, shit happens, but was still able to date twice after that. One relationship was 90 days exactly and the other was two and a half years. I have no problem remaining single if I it affords piece and peace of mind. My NO CRUISE cherry was popped as well as visiting an island or 2. The Bahamas and Balmoral Island were beautiful!
Career wise, I worked retail 9 of those years with 1 year being given to YP (digital Yellow Pages). I made the most money I have ever made while working there and have nothing to show for it sadly. There has been so much growth financially since that time, I just wish I would have been more disciplined at that time. It wasn't until the end of 2017 that I began to take my finances serious and since that time I have raised my credit score by 120 points. In 2020, another 100 will be added. We are in pursuit of 800 over here!
This decade made me a lot of things ... (SING IT) harder, better, faster, and stronger BUT one of the most loved positions earned is that of a Nana/Granny. In this ten year span I was blessed with Daysha Michelle, MiJael Chaylea, MiKaela Chaniya and Divine Mayah. I prayed for a grandson in the midst of all of these little ladies and was informed there is one, a handsome little fella too but I don't think I will ever get to know him. That's for another blog entirely. Let me show you my four princesses better known as #DemVannGirls.
As many ups as there were in this decade, like my daughter returning back to Jacksonville for good, there was one constant down, my son's imprisonment. I began blogging about these trials and tribulations in 2011 - MOTHER OF AN INCARCERATED SON (check it out). It highlights a lot of the 7 out of these 10 years my son has been incarcerated and we enter 2020 with him still behind bars. We pray this is his final time. He was away for his 21st, 25th and 30th birthdays as well as my 40th and will miss my 50th. Prayerfully, it is of his own will and the will of the Most High, this will be the last time he is locked up and his 31st birthday is the last birthday that he is away. But on a brighter side, he is STILL above ground and for that I am grateful. This was our last visit of 2019, December 25th.
So here I begin with how I looked when I turned 40 and the transformation of the decade. No, I was NOT bad looking (never have been, never will be) but just keep watching at how good these 10 years and I were to myself. I was overweight for my age and height according to THEIR charts. I had cardiac issues as well so at the entrance of my 40's I had health problems to deal with and deal I did.
While attempting to get my weight under control, without much success, I decided to return to my natural roots in 2011. It was not easy in the first few months. I was asked what was wrong with me, if I was going through a midlife crisis or if I had switched to "the other side". A lot of people did not embrace my change but so many others did. For each negative, non-approving comment made I received 2-3 positive. It became an easy peasy journey from there. In a previous blog, I spoke on how my daughter was a huge influence on this decision, one that I will never regret. I am 8 years strong in my natural journey now. It would prove to be one of the best decisions I would ever make. I celebrated this new adventure with a photo shoot alongside my daughter.
In 2012, I began a journey to weight loss using the Body By Vi system. It worked so well for me that I became a distributor. It was an easy side hustle because I did not have to pitch it to anyone, my success on the program spoke for itself. The pictures here are from the first 90 day challenge and the 2nd picture is at the 13 month mark. I lost a total of 50 lbs in that time. I've been able to keep 20-25 lbs off since initially taking this challenge.
1ST 90 DAY CHALLENGE
DAY 1 VS 13 MONTH MARK
With all the bridge walking and exercise that I constantly shared via social media while living the VI LIFE came an opportunity I attempted to turn down on more than one occasion. Let's go back a year or 2 before the offer when I began something new, line dancing, which is a fun way to exercise. It was after this time that I left the job as Store Manager at Ashley Stewart, became an Account Executive for YP and back to retail at K&G. I was approached by one of the instructors with the Justice League of Fitness about instructing a line dance aerobics class. I did not want to instruct, I only wanted to dance but after a few "I believe in you speeches" I am now 4 years in with the fitness instruction. Not only do I instruct with the JLOF on Wednesday, I also have a class at The Diva Physique on Thursday evenings and starting January 24th I will have a class at the Arlington YouFit location on Friday evenings. I am more than grateful to Leroy Mosley for seeing in me what I did not see in myself. This is how I will make my living in 2020 and beyond! Join me why dontcha?
Those who really know me, know that I have been a bus rider for this entire decade as well, up until the last few months. As a result, with all the extra things I would being (work, line dance classes, school, etc) my time on the bus became later and later. Coming home sometimes at almost 10 p.m. and these are not the safest streets. I needed to protect myself and my son advised me to arm myself. I have never wanted anything to do with a firearm but at his request I asked my FB friends who would be open to accompanying me to the range and training me on firearm use. That same day, July 5, 2016 I was at the range with my cousin Danielle and my brother Tim.
Fast forward 3 years, I am now a proud firearm owner as well as the Vice Commander of the Black Gun Owners Association Jacksonville chapter, earning a certificate as a certified NRA Instructor and becoming a business partner with Grid Iron Firearm Training (G.I.F.T.). I went from being scared to death of even being in the same room with a firearm to owning and instructing all within two years. This decade has been simply awesome!
A little ways up I mentioned returning to school as a goal. I enrolled in 2015, took my time, and walked in May 2019 with my B.S. in Converge Communications from FSCJ. It was a long 4 years with many struggles, oft times wanting to give up but with a great support system and perseverance I finished victoriously with honors! This picture does NOT truly show how excited I was ... well, maybe it does. I said I would finish before I turned 50 and dammit I did!
Once I was done with school it seems the flood gates of time opened up. I now had more time to do things like spend more time with my granddaughters and prepare for the approaching HALF OF A CENTURY birthday! I am turning 50 June 2020 and I could not be more excited. I began thinking about things I wanted to do differently going into this next decade. My 'influencer' (check out that blog) returning back to Jacksonville gave me the best idea ever ... lets LOC N LOAD! I decided to join the LOC NATION! She returned August 2019 and I began my journey the next month. She started them with coils and my good sister friend Niki will continue to bless the crown. I am excited at what they will look like by my b-earthday as they are budding already! They begin budding before my first retwist at six weeks.
What I also decided to do was work for myself in 2020 hence the created hashtag #2020ALLME! I have too many talents and not working on my dreams/goals to create the work atmosphere I desire is no longer an option. November 2019 "The Storm Affect - T.S.A." was created. Under this umbrella I will host events, manage social media accounts, create content, instruct line dance and firearm classes. Find me on FB and make sure you follow as well as Grid Iron Firearm Training. So many things have opened up since I put it into the universe to include hosting an event on a cruise in November 2020.
2017 brought about a bigger awareness of self and diving into my spiritual side has opened me to so many things. If I never overstood who and what I am before I overstand now. In the next decade, manifesting my destiny will be at an all time high. I appreciate you all for coming along for the ride. Here's Chapter 49.
Today started off great, like any other visitation day. I am always in high spirits when it comes to seeing my son. There is not a care in the world on visitation day except the careful thought you have to give on what to wear. You would think that what's on the DOC list is it but NO it is not. I have a part of my closet that I go to when I visit. I choose these garments because I haven't had any issues on prior visits and I have pictures to prove such. Today was different though. Visitation issues are like Russian roulette ... you never know what you are going to get until the trigger is pulled meaning what crew will be at the front search area to decide who comes in and who does not.
I have never worn sweats to visitation. I don't even own any sweats ... well, after today's issue I do now. I was well dressed in my opinion. My pants were fitting, as they always are, dressy pussy bow tie shirt with a pair of ankle booties. I had on a skully and matching scarf as well. I will say I was unsure about the hat and scarf but the outfit has been worn for visitation so I was not concerned about that. I've learned that I should have been.
Upon arrival to Baker C.I. my daughter and I walk in, chipper and cheerful as always. I had not even gotten in the door good before I am told my pants are too tight. The C.O. behind the glass says "HOLD UP ... LET HER KEY IN!" I do the key pad thing and turn to the young lady and ask how are my pants too tight when I have worn them to previous visits? We exchange words, nothing horrible, just engaging in conversation about my pants when the supervisor comes out. None of this crew looks familiar. She tells me I can't wear my hat or scarf and I need to change the pants. She also tells me there is a Dollar General up the road where I can get something to wear. I immediately got an attitude ... a bad attitude. I did not appreciate being told to change when I had worn the pants before nor did I want to get anything from Dollar General. I knew they would NOT have anything to match my top or ankle booties so I would have to purchase a new top, bottom AND shoes.
I told my daughter to go on back and let her brother know what happened. I would sit in the car because I had not planned on spending money on an outfit I would probably never wear again. My daughter was NOT hearing it. She truly acts as if she is my mother sometimes. Needless to say I spent $28 in that store to see my son. That was an unplanned expense and I was not happy BUT I am thankful for growth and controlling the controllable is what had to be done if I wanted to see my son.
I changed at the Dollar General, upon walking into the prison I apologized to the staff for my anger and expressed how nice it would be if all search area staff operated by the same rules. I shouldn't be allowed to wear this with one staff and then be denied by another. I know by the looks on most of the faces that it fell on deaf ears but the two who heard and listened to me expressed how nothing was wrong with my outfit and that I was right ... they need to be consistent at the door because there were others in there that had on clothing tighter than mine. They were right about that too but again I say CONTROL THE CONTROLLABLE. All in all it turned out to be a great visit even though we could not take pictures because they were out of film. I have learned that not all things are meant to be captured physically, just enjoy the mental memories ... I will definitely be doing that.
Hello Loc fam and other beautiful people. This past Saturday was such an awesome hair day. One of the African customers at my job, a very good friend and one of my online sister friends made my entire day. They all complimented me so passionately on my loc journey. My heart was smiling and I felt great. It has not been a full month yet, 10/26 is the month mark, and I have so much new growth already.
I swear, that whole ugly stage that everyone spoke/speaks of does not seem it exist for me. I am sure it is all in how you own your journey. And to think, I truly considered having loc extensions installed. I am so glad I did not. I am not knocking them at all, everyone's journey is different but doing it this way seems so much more fulfilling.
I know one thing, had anyone told me this loc life was so dope I would have joined it years ago. Well, at least by the fourth year of my eight year natural journey which has also been awesome.
I will do my first re-twist after my month mark. I can not wait to see my growth. I am excited.
