So I ran ...

I had mentally checked in to 2017 when the last school semester ended on December 9th. I had just learned I only had 30 credit hours left to complete my B.S. in Communications and that included the 3 internships I have to complete. I was both excited and scared at the same time. Why? Because this is a huge accomplishment for me. I have several family members with Bachelors degrees, some with Masters and I want to be among the ranks of them. I also wanted to show my children that giving up is not an option; no matter how long it takes to complete a goal IT CAN STILL BE DONE just do not give up. This is certainly easy for me to say but so much harder for me to do. You see, I have noticed in my lifetime when things get complicated I tend to run away. I have to keep my mind on completing this task even if it kills me. Another tough part of finishing school is the fact I have NO IDEA what direction I want to take this education. I do not know what I want to do with this degree. I have always been a great communicator, rather it was speaking, writing or simply being that ear and shoulder those around me needed, so this field of study was a straight no brainer. It is not the easiest career path to get in to when you start as late as I did according to a few instructors but I will figure it out.

When I was younger, entertaining and music were my sanctuary (they still are to be honest), from writing to recording to performing. I thought this was the place in life of which I belonged. I had a nice run in the music arena from rapping to singing from my early teens to my late twenties. I met so many wonderful people during that time but life happened as it always does and those I was performing, recording and writing with, we all went different ways. No, there were no ill feelings because it could not be avoided. It was simply life happening, nothing more or less but this separation made it harder to follow that musical dream so I ran. Years would pass and I joined the world of parenthood followed by marriage, which did not work and instead of working on it I ran. Next up, a relocation and eventually my divorce would all take place. I ended up in Jacksonville, Florida in what was once the easiest relationship to be in becoming an extremely hard one to stay in so you know what happened next ... I ran. Now here I am with another new start in a new state as a single woman with 2 teenage children working a full time job and what do I do? I started college and obtained my A.A. degree. During this time I was blessed with an on-air radio personality opportunity with Tama Broadcasting, Inc. I truly thought this was my calling, it was one of the many things I dreamt of while doing music in my earlier years. I started out as a co-host on The Larry Steele Morning Show where I would claim the name 'DaHostess wit da Mostess'. Shortly after I'd be blessed with a show of my own every Saturday evening, '904Kus Radio', focused on the artists in the 904 area. It was that show that introduced me to the areas music and fashion scene as well as some of the most awesome people I could ever want to know. This show is how I was able to earn the name 'Queen of I.A.N. (Independent Artist Network)'. The show was a huge success but was cut short due to the station shutting down shortly after the shows conception. The blessing in that short stint is that the platform introduced me to Duval's entertainment scene, from music and poetry to fashion to male revues where I would be blessed with many great opportunities to host events, one of my most favorite being 'Soul Release'. This was the longest running spoken word, poetry and soul music series in Northeast Florida presented by Nokturnal Escape Entertainment, LLC. When the city failed to produce suitable venues for the event, my hosting opportunities lessened as well. Pretty Tony Entertainment, who advertised with the radio station while I was there, had me host a few of his male revues and it was during this time that I also met a young lady who would change my identity in the city. Syd of Stylez Inc. Ent. went on to host male revues of her own in the city and I would be the host of her events for what seems like an eternity, an eternity I would not change for anything! I created a 'cock call' for the introduction of the dancers and this became who I was ... the 'cock call host'! I laugh as I think about those days as they were some of the greatest. As I approached my 40's I felt differently about being known for hosting the male revues so I stepped down from my male revue post. I stopped hosting all together after that because staying relevant in the hosting arena had became hard after silently moving away from the music and poetry scene to the world of male revues so I did what I knew I was good at doing ... I ran.

That time I spent in the above mentioned arenas would go on for a long period of time and a lot of other things happened during this time also, life changing things to be exact. From 2006-2014, my son would spend time in and out of the judicial system, from the youth detention facility to the county jail to the Florida State prison system. Life during this time became so hard for me. After obtaining my A.A. from Florida Community College in May 2006, I went on to the University of North Florida but was only able to complete one semester due to my son's arrest. In the time surrounding this arrest, I lost a lot of things; my own place to live, transportation, employment, ability to properly care for my children which led to a decreased will to continue. It had gotten so bad that my daughter had to return back home to Virginia so should could be around positive, productive, loving family members because that all had become so hard for me to do so of course I ran.

I have blogged about much of that in my Mother of an Incarcerated Son blog so I will not repeat that story again but I prefaced this blog with a few of my trials to remind myself of how much I have been through. No matter how many times I have run I still reached some goals! We are so quick to be hard on ourselves about our failures or missed opportunities all the while missing out on the positive things we have done. With all that was mentioned above there were many bright spots and those are what I need to focus on going forward. I am almost 50 years old and I feel there is so much more for me to do and topping the list is finishing school and going forward with a career in communications. I would love to mentor young, African American teens, those who feel they have no one there for them or no one to look up to. I would love to play a role in a young girls life and show her no matter the situation how great she can be.

My remaining goals for 2017 are to save more money so that I can live life how I desire, travel when I want to travel and be able to enjoy and spoil my grandchildren like my grandparents did me. I want to create and maintain stronger ties with family, friends as well as a significant other when the time comes. I will support my community by supporting black owned businesses and doing my part in helping to build a stronger, better black economy. Last but not least I want to invest which will require me to learn how investing works and how to benefit from it. This all sounds so hard to me as I type it but it also sounds like an awesome plan if I take it one step at a time! If you do not plan to succeed, you plan to fail!

Happy New Year everyone! I pray everyone made it safely into the new year, 2016 took no prisoners! Life is too short to not reach for your dreams. Set attainable goals and do your best to achieve them, you will thank yourself later! God bless!