DEAFENING SILENCE - Is being passive aggressive a gift or curse?

Ever been in one of those moods where you just want to sit quietly? Nothing is wrong, no attitude, not upset about anything, bills paid, food in the fridge, life is aight but your mood simply calls for some quiet time. Silence stills you, it allows you to question yourself and those around you. The ugly part? These silent moments tend to happen at the worst of times, times when you are out with friends, maybe on a date or at work ... not the best time to be quiet. It's not always a bad thing BUT because you are such a vocal person, the one everyone considers strong, loud and boisterous, it doesn't sit well with those around you. What happens next? Before you know it, here comes the barrage of questions. What's wrong? You ok? You sure nothing's wrong? You know I am here for you if you need right? You wanna talk about it? You don't have to go through it alone.

SLOW ALL OF THAT DOWN PLEASE because with this comes the inevitable ... ATTITUDE!! Where there was no attitude initially, there is plenty now and it is full blown!! Why can't I just be quiet? I am not hurting anyone sitting in silence and I am minding my business. I have come to a conclusion: rather we want to admit it or not, one of our biggest fears is silence. Silence makes us uncomfortable but what really bothers us is ourselves. During this silence we don’t know what to do with ourselves, what to think or what to say. So in an attempt to end this uncomfortable (for others) silence, the quiet one begins to speak but in an extremely irritated and condescending tone and what comes out makes some wish you had stayed quiet.

A shit storm of slick mouthed comments, somewhat appropriate on the surface but clearly an intentional insult and a barely hidden act of bitterness. Have you ever experienced something SO QUIETLY LOUD?!?!

These two go hand in hand. Deafening Silence is a serious failure to say or do something in reaction to a request or action and chances are good, if you have interactions that leave you feeling like you have been on an emotional roller coaster, that you may have been dealing with a passive aggressive person. Most common RED FLAGS are withdrawing and sulking, rather than stating opinions or needs, using words like

to shut down a discussion. Procrastinating or carrying out tasks inefficiently and mouthing off about doing things differently in the future all the while knowing there's no plan to change any behaviors. This is so me but the kicker, the ULTIMATE red flag is how we can cause other people to eventually blow up and act out the anger that the passive-aggressive person had been silently harboring. That's crazy!

So I ask, is being passive aggressive a gift or curse? I used to think it was a gift because when I had those mood shifts I could shut down and just deal, unless I was around others and then it becomes a curse. Why a curse? I punished myself and others with the flick of my tongue. I have lost relationships and acquaintances because of this mouth. I would love to say I will change this but then I'd just be mouthing off, no need for that. I will say I have gotten better over the years but it is STILL a huge work in progress.