Mother of An Incarcerated Son - COUNTDOWN TO FREEDOM

GLORY GLORY GLORY ... we are ALMOST to the end of this story! I can't contain the excitement growing inside of me right now as I welcome August with open arms. August begins the ONE YEAR COUNTDOWN for my son's release and with gain time it could be even sooner! Lord I trust You and always have. Praise confuses the enemy so I am praising in advance! Next year ends the 7 years of HELL my family and I have been through when dealing with my son and his legal issues.

THANK YOU LORD! 7 is the number of completion and this journey is almost complete. I am BEYOND excited right now! Hopefully you all will join me as I complete this COUNTDOWN TO FREEDOM!

Mother Of An Incarcerated Son - Aren't you embarrassed?

I've been asked on a number of occasions how do I share so much of my personal life involving my son's incarceration and if I was embarrassed. I've been told by some parents of incarcerated children that some of their family members don't know of their child's situation. They think the child is away in college, visiting friends, etc etc. I pray anyone feeling like this finds comfort in knowing you are not alone in this world when it comes to loving and caring for an incarcerated child so there is no need to be embarrassed. It is indeed a very hard pill to swallow when you know you've raised your children to the best of your ability yet things like this still occur. I did have questions and the biggest question I asked when it occurred was "LORD WHERE DID I GO WRONG?"

I don't remember exactly how long I asked that question of myself and to the Father but it felt like an eternity but I do know as long as I continued to blame myself I could not find peace. There was no mental, emotional or spiritual peace in my life for the first few years of his sentence because I could not understand why my son choose the path he'd chosen and why GOD let it happen. It wasn't until I realized my Father had a MUCH better plan for our (my family) lives that I was able to let it go.

I've come to realize that most times it's not the fault of the parent and that everything happens for a reason. I know for me, my son needed to be shook before he was snatched off of this earth. I was an enabler and GOD had to work on me as well. At our last visit when my son and I discussed the Zimmerman verdict Dante' turned and said to me "I NEEDED THIS MAMA. I was living recklessly and it was either this or I'd be dead." THIS was a true wake up call for me because not only did my son show growth but he exhibited maturity. I'd never seen this side of him and I was more than pleased. The Father gives us choices and when we chose unwisely we suffer but HE never leaves nor forsakes us and guides us back to HIS arms. Thank you Father for Your GRACE AND MERCY!

These last 4 years have been a learning experience for my entire family and I thank GOD for the place HE has us in at this very moment. I pray strength and peace upon ANYONE who is going through this same ordeal because you will definitely need it. Anyone who is feeling embarrassed by the situation of their child I hope you pray that off because not only will your child need your full support but you too will need support. I know the Father has our backs but I also know I could not have gotten through this without letting go of some of the pain and other feelings to family and friends. Remember you are not alone and there is truly no reason to be embarrassed.

Mother Of An Incarcerated Son: He is DESTINED for greatness ... I KNOW IT!

I can't begin to explain how happy I am at this very moment. I was finally able to see my son after 10 months. I hadn't realized how close to a year it had been and I must say I had an ABSOLUTELY wonderful visit with my son on Saturday! The smile on my face truly reflects how I feel/felt at that moment and now! I'm in love ALL over again with my 1st born, that feeling I had when I first laid eyes on his little chubby face.

It was April 9th, 1989 at 2:06 p.m. when this little trouble maker made his way in to this crazy world. Weighing in at 7 lbs 7.5 oz and 21 inches long he gave me labor hell for almost 24 hours. Upon arrival to the hospital my labor slowed down and *in Jennifer Holiday's voice* I AM TELLING YOU, I'M NOT GOING is what I felt he was telling us! I had an all natural child birth, no epidural so to endure such pain for almost 24 hours, worsening as the evening/night when on, was a bit much. This child had better be something GREAT was my thought because this had to be the work of the devil! He didn't want him to come and he wanted me to suffer ... 1 of the 2 happened because I SUFFERED! *wipes forehead* GOD showed me a vision when Dante' was 10, he was standing in a pulpit in front of a lot of people speaking. My Father has a purpose for Dante', that's why I know he is destined for greatness and this place he is in is TEMPORARY!

As for yesterdays visit, I cried but WE laughed, sang, rapped, and I had another chance to love on my son. I can't thank the Lord enough for His delegation of giving birth to THIS young man. As painful as this test is it's just as much for me as it is for Dante'. I've come a LONG way and I'm stronger now than I ever imagined I could be. Dante' and I will both have testimonies after this test and a spirit filled message after this mess! I am so thankful for the making of our visit possible because it almost didn't happen. This is not his final place and this 66 month sentence is going to make him a better person. IT'S CLAIMED IN THE ALMIGHTY NAME! Lord I thank You.

I'm just one grateful individual right now because things could be so much worse! I could be visiting a grave and placing flowers but my Father has seen that NOT to be so. God has placed some wonderful people in my life during some of what I've felt were the worst times in my life. They are not only blood related but non-blood related as well and with that said I have to show my gratitude to 2 of the most recent, Kayla, for getting me there. She sat outside in her car and waited for me the entire time and that takes a real person who is looking out for your best interest and heart. Kayla and Johnica ... Lord I love you for them and I love y'all!! I'm a happy mom right now!! He looks well, sounds well and was full of love, jokes and knowledge for good ole mom! It's almost over, August 2014 can't get here quick enough so until then I ask for continued prayers for us both. As always, thank you for allowing me to place my joy and pains on your shoulders through words.

Mother of an Incarcerated son - Zimmerman Verdict

I've been sitting here in straight tears as I deal with these depressing feelings since the verdict was given Saturday. As a 12 year resident of Florida and all of its high profile court cases it just gets to me that my son was sentenced to serve 66 months in a Florida State prison for the theft of a vehicle and V.O.P. YET Zimmerman can murder a child and get acquitted. WTF MAN??? I am in AWE at this judicial system .... Totally in freakin' awe!!

I am by no means saying my son is a saint, I know he isn't and he must accept the punishment for the crime he committed. My perplexion comes at the fact that there was no weapon in his crime nor did anyone get hurt or killed. How does this warrant 5.5 years in prison? Zimmerman, on the other hand, murders a young man who he pursued, he created the situation then shoots him in the heart because Trayvon decided to stand HIS ground. He admits to shooting Trayvon YET he walks FREE!! HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN???

I know there is an issue of race in this case but right now this isn't about race, its about justice and fairness although no one ever said anything in life was fair. I can see, hug and speak to my son where the Martin's can not and for that I am forever grateful but it does not stop the pain. It's times like this that makes me wish I'd remained childless in this life.

I just want these tears to stop Father. These last 2 going on 3 nights have been filled with tears thinking of the life my son has chosen for himself and the time he is serving. I haven't and won't question You Lord because all things work together for the good and this I know. Dante's 66 month sentence is a part of Your work on him and I pray daily that he is listening and comes out with Your work on his mind.

In the meantime I'M SO DONE WITH FLORIDA and these U.S. laws NOT designed with 'US' in mind. Florida and its laws behoove me. It's so crazy how a dog has more rights than an African American citizen. I feel my son is truly in a world of trouble if he stays in Fl upon his release with his ex-felon record. I pray he will listen to this verdict and want to get out of the south. I am so detesting this state and its laws. I'm out of Florida in 2015, I am done ... so done. This is my first and last blog on this case, it's in GODS hands now.

Mother of An Incarcerated Son - Prison Life, time's almost up!

It's been a minute since I've blogged about my son as things have been pretty good and they still are. I received a letter from my son today that has me crying tears of joy and pain at the same time. He is now counting down his time in months as opposed to years and for that he is elated as am I. I went to the Florida Department of Corrections site to see his current release date, it was in October last I checked. As of today his current release date is 08/17/2014, that's a little over a year away. The time has flown by so quickly and I know it's been nothing but GOD that has kept me sane.

In the letter Dante' recently wrote he expressed how happy he was to hear from me, thankful for the pictures I'd sent and how, now as time is winding down, he didn't think he'd make it when he was shipped off to prison. He said on that ride to the prison for the 1st time he didn't know what to expect and on his 2nd day he witnessed someone lose their life by the hands of another inmate. He said he's witnessed several of these incidents while serving time. At this point the tears began to roll down my face. How does one come back from such sights? When you go to prison isn't it supposed to be a rehabilitation process? It seems prison is just an 'inside out city'. Everything that happens on the streets in the city, from murder to rape, happens on the inside of those prison walls. That's isn't rehabilitation at all.

What type of mind frame will my son have after this? I've felt locked up with him during this process but I have no idea how it truly feels to be confined to a small cell with toiletries you have to use in front of everyone, there's no privacy anywhere and you move when someone tells you to move. It's so hard to imagine the type of conditions these inmates have to deal with while in there. It's so crazy to think about how the inmates have to deal with the Corrections Officers and the treatment they give the inmate which depends on what type of day the C.O. is having or if a C.O. doesn't like you they can create hell for you during your entire sentence. I know some folk reading will say if they didn't commit a crime they wouldn't have to be there and that is so true but the fact remains they did, they are and it's STILL wrong to treat the inmates inhumanely!

The words of his letter shows so much maturity in some areas and of that I am happy. He has made it clear that he has NO other choice but to make something of himself upon his release because he has 2 beautiful daughters that need him out here more than the system (created to keep him confined) needs him. I stay in prayer for his emotional, physical and mental safety because ONLY GOD the Father can control any of it along with my son and though this letter brought about a lot of emotions viewing his current release date made it somewhat better! In a years time this will all be over and another chapter of his life will begin ... life of a convicted felon outside of prison walls!

The Natural Hair struggle is REAL!!

If I'd have known on January 1st when I decided to let my hair grow that I'd be dealing with hair struggles like I am now I'd probably not have done it! My daughter told me it'd be a tedious and sometimes frustrating journey but I figured I'd just lost 50 lbs in 2012 so this should be a walk in the park ... NOT!! My hair is a TYPE 4 grade of hair and as a result it has a 75% shrinkage rate. What does that mean? You will probably NEVER see the real length of my hair no matter how long it gets unless I stretch it out for you. *sigh*

I spent 30-40 minutes washing/conditioning/moisturizing this TWA (teenie weenie afro)! Who'd have thought??

It seemed with each step my fro shrank smaller and smaller! I'd just purchased some Cantu, new product for me, to see how much of a difference it would make. I'd seen this listed in a lot of Natural Hair forums, blogs and post so I decided to try along with my normal products. I'll definitely keep you posted on how my hair responds to it.

The end result ... I had to go back and look at my hair from January to now in order to really see that there is growth ...

I am now in that 'in-between' stage, that stage I often complained about when I was using the creamy crack and my hair wasn't long or short ... it just was! My daughter told me to find some hair decorations so off to the beauty supply store I will go next week when I am on vacation. That will be the next natural hair blog entry. This journey is REAL and so is the struggle!

IT MAY BE DELAYED BUT ITS NOT DENIED!!

I simply LOVE how GOD continues to show up, show out and CONFIRM!! I've been listening to Vicki Farrie's song CELEBRATE quite often and there's a line in it that has resonated in my spirit since the first time I put the CD on. It says "it may have been delayed but it's not denied" ... powerful words!! TODAY Bishop Zamekio Jackson spoke from 1 Samuel 1:8 about Hannah who so badly wanted to have a child and all she went through as she struggled to walk into her season of child bearing. During his sermon he used THAT line "it may be delayed but it's not denied" and it hit me and I HEAR YOU GOD and I thank you for my Bishop, Zamekio Jackson. Continue to use and bless him to do Your work Father.

I know this message was not just for me but for someone else needing to hear this as well. There's a 'baby' in you, a purpose the Father placed in you, in each of us that must be birthed. If you ask the Father to give you that of which you desire, your 'baby' in the stage you are in you must be willing to give it back to Him in praise, honor and glory for He is more than worthy.

What is your 'baby', do you know? It will come, just remember ... IT MAY BE DELAYED BUT NOT DENIED! Come worship with us at The Hospital Church, you are guaranteed to get a word. I leave with confirmation, affirmation and clarity after EVERY service!!

The Hospital Church

103 Century 21 Drive

Jacksonville, Florida 32216

Phone 904-257-3GOD (3463)

Email thehospitalchurch@gmail.com

Website http://hospitalchurch.info