IT IS HATE OF THE BLACK WOMAN OR THE LOVE OF FAME AND MONEY?

I have noticed an increase of men, predominantly African American men, dressed as women or portraying a feminine role of some sort in the name of comedy. Sites like Vine, Instagram, Snapchat and of course YouTube, just to name a few, have become platforms for men donning women clothing and adorning feminine attitude. What I have noticed even more is the depiction of the black woman in these videos; they seem to always be portrayed negatively. It is said to be funny which seems to make it acceptable to many but in my opinion it sends the wrong messages to our young, impressionable youth. Not just the young male, who think that it is ok to dress up as a woman but the young black female as well. Is this how the African American male sees us? This is a valid question and possibly a decision maker on who not to date as well as how to react when approached by a black male. So my concern here is why? Why are men choosing to dress and act like women on camera? What is causing black men to resort to drag queen activity and taunt black women in the process? Are women easier targets or are they selling their souls for the love of fame? Maybe both. When researching men dressed as women I noticed when famous Caucasian men dressed in drag as means of entertaining, the roles were almost empowering, uplifting even. For example, Dustin Hoffman as "Tootsie", where he reinvents himself to get an acting job and becomes a sensation. The late great Robin Williams as "Mrs. Doubtfire", a man so desperate to see his children he took a job dressed as a woman to be close to them. Let me not forget another late great actor, Patrick Swayze who played Ms. Vida Boheme in "To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar". Although it was a homosexual role he was the most positive of the three in the group. However, when it comes to African American men, not so much the same story. Jamie Foxx and Martin Lawrence played ghetto chicks that were needy, talked and dressed horribly and always looking for a man. Tyler Perry plays a gun-toting, law breaking grandmother who tells it like it is whether you like it or not. I do not believe Comedian Benji Brown is able to complete a standup routine without his ghetto character “Kiki”. The "movement" of wearing women’s clothing has made its way to the music arena with artists like Yung Thug, P Diddy, Kanye West, Snoop, Andre 3000 and Cee-Lo Green being seen in full dresses, blouses and skirts. This on top of the countless no fame, no name black men taking to social media dressing as black women and acting like ratchet hood rats. It comes off as misogyny at its finest in my opinion. I will admit, I have watched a few and gotten great laughs but at what expense? African American women are already stereotyped as the sassy, angry black woman in everyday life. These up and coming social media comedians reinforcing the stereotype by distorting the image of the black woman is nothing but modern day coonery. The degradation of the African American woman’s existence is already taking place through reality television, it does not need the assistance of black men in drag erasing our womanhood. Social sites are a great fun, free way to get your talents seen by the masses. If you are creative and have an idea that needs to be seen, social media is the way to go. In these instances, in my opinion, these black men lack original creative thoughts so the African American woman and all of her negative idiosyncrasies become the brunt of the jokes. We are exploited and capitalized upon all for the hope of fame and glory. I remember when brothers Emmanuel and Phillip Hudson first hit the social media scene. They set YouTube on fire with their feminine antics. They were not dressed like women, until the official video for “She Racheet” was released. Prior to that they portrayed all of the feminine traits they could muster in manly clothing. Emmanuel has since become a regular cast member on the hit MTV comedy show “Wild ‘n Out” hosted by Nick Cannon. I brought Hudson into the picture to show what I believe is driving some black men to behave this way. They believe there is a possible reward for acting a fool for social media, that reward being stardom. Social media has changed what it means to be a celebrity and the mode of getting there. So that brings me back to my original question: Why do we have so many examples of black men dressing up as women for laughs? Is it the hatred of the black woman or an easy, lazy uncreative way to get a foot in the door of fame at the expense of their mother, sister, cousin or possibly even a daughter? The black women they hold dear to them. The O’Jays made a song in 1973 entitled “For The Love of Money”. That song will forever be relevant. There is a line that sticks out to me most and it says “people don’t let money, don’t let money change you, that almighty dollar”.

HE-MAN TOOK MY EYE

Picture it … 1983 in Chesapeake, Virginia. I was in the sixth grade and anyone who knew me knew I loved my after school cartoons, especially boyish cartoons. After all, I was one of the biggest tom boys on the block. A new cartoon had just come out and I was anxious to see what it was about. After the first episode, I have to admit, it had me glued to the television everyday between 3 p.m. and 4 p.m. What cartoon was this? Well I am glad you asked. It was "He-Man and the Masters of the Universe" and it was a great addition to my after school cartoon line up. I was the oldest of two younger sisters and they knew during this time to leave me alone, no exceptions.

On this one fine day, I believe it was a Friday because I did not have school the next day, a few of the neighborhood boys decided they wanted to harass my sisters. This, in turn, caused them to harass me and this made me very unhappy. Now usually being pulled into conflict was ok, I loved to pummel the neighborhood boys. Did that make me a bully too or a hero? Who knows and who cared because this was not the time for heroics, conflicts or anything else as He-Man was on. That is the only thing that was on my mind.

I sat in my usual spot, reclined, drink and snacks in hand watching He-Man and enjoying my after school moment when in runs my two younger sisters and a friend screaming that three neighborhood boys would not leave them alone. I ignored them until the commercial break and politely instructed them to tell those boys to leave them alone because I said so. That usually worked on so many levels but for some reason it did not work today. A few minutes later in comes the three amigos with another plea to come outside and tell the little boys to leave them alone. Since there was no commercial break coming soon as one had just gone off I had to divert my attention from one of my favorite shows to these three screaming little girls just to say what I had already said: tell them to leave you alone because I said so. They left to tell the boys what I had said, once again, and back to my show I went. We had a full hour of He-Man so that meant two episodes during that time. This was their only saving grace because I knew I had another episode to catch.

To step aside from the sibling/bully madness for a moment, let me explain what was going on inside the house at this time. This was the home belonging to my great-grandparents and my great-grandfather decided on this day to work on home improvements. The one that was a problem for me was the screen door. This screen door had been broken for months. It did not close all the way and the latch did not work. When going out of the house you simply had to push the door open since the latch was broken. It swung open like the doors of an old western saloon. Just push and out you go. Have the visual now? Good so moving on.

The harassment by my younger sisters and their friend continued with each time aggravating me more and more. By the time I was half way through the second episode I was completely livid. My grandfather had already been fussing because my sisters had been running in and out of the door while he was attempting to fix it. That did not help either because it had gotten to the point where he was even yelling at me to go outside and help my sisters. That was the breaking point for me. Here I was trying to enjoy my cartoons, minding my business, staying out of trouble yet getting in trouble at the same time. Who does this? So at the next commercial break I am heading outside. I slam the recliner back down, throw the remote in the chair and storm outside behind my sisters completely in a rage. Yeah, I had anger issues when provoked.

Now let me set the scene, by this time my grandfather had completed the door project and was sitting at the dinner table drinking coffee at almost 5 o’clock in the evening. The door now had to be opened by using the handle, no more swinging door. This scene, as I remember it, makes me think of something out of a movie. So think of an extremely slowed down scene where all voices were deep and dragging. I am running out of the den area, through the kitchen past my grandfather headed down the hallway to go outside. I was completely angered so I did not even notice my sisters used the handle. I am in mid-fuss, running about 5 miles per hour seriously with my arms extended straight out to push the screen door open. Here comes the dream moment. As I am running, I run through the door. I look up to see a big piece of glass drop and immediately drop my head.

When I get outside I look back and think to myself how crazy that would have been if that had happened for real. I pick up speed yelling because I want to get back inside to finish the last half of the second episode of He-Man when I hear screams. These were screams like someone was being tortured and now I am really mad because I thought the boys were really hurting my sisters, that was until I heard them screaming too. I heard one of them yell look at her eye and they all took off. My sisters were screaming and crying as their friend ran home. I am standing next to my great-grandparents car as all of this is going on and looked in the window. I noticed the front of my shirt and face were covered in something red. I bend down to look in the mirror and it is there that I see my eye hanging completely out of the socket. It was just dangling through the huge gash in my face. My grandfather had begun fussing until I turned around and he saw my eye. He then begins to scream, calling for my grandmother to call an ambulance. As I stood in the hallway listening to everyone around me it still did not seem real. I looked in the hallway mirror at my disfigured face with an eyeball hanging out of it and begin to poke at my eye. Why did I do that? My grandmother smacked the crap out of my hand and yelled at me to leave it alone.

The rest of family reached the hospital around the same time and I could hear them being rushed to the back. I am covered by a sheet so I can’t see anyone but I hear the doctor tell my mother and grandmother had the glass hit me one centimeter to the left I would have lost my eye. I remember being given a numbing medicine in my face via two needles, it hurt like hell. I was ready to fight the doctors and nurses until my mother smacked my arm and put me back in my right mind. After it was all said and done, I left with 27 stitches under my right eye and 10 steri-strips on my right wrist. There was a gash there as well but not deep enough to warrant stitches. Needless to say I was the coolest graduating sixth grader that year as I crossed the stage in my cap and gown with sun shades to get my certificate of completion. The first of my facial ruins.

"Am I Wrong" line dance

As a line dancer I not only learn them but I create them as well! This is one of my original creations to the great Anderson Paak's AM I WRONG from his MALIBU CD ... check out the video, learn it and then be sure to check out AP's album!

Long time coming ... How YOU doin'??

My oh my, where to begin! It's been a long time since I've posted a blog here, mainly because I could not remember my sign in credentials but secondly because life happened and continues to happen. Let me catch you up on a few things: 1) Dante' has been home for 2 years as of June 1 (with minimal trouble since his release), 2) I've "acquired" 25 lbs of the 50 lbs lost in 2012 (still exercising and eating healthy but not as much as I used to), 3) I live a Pescatarian lifestyle (a seafood dish away from vegetarian), 4) I've returned to school to complete my Bachelors in Communications/Public Relations (right up my alley), 5) I am counting down my time until the BIG 5-0 (4 years to go) AND 6) after 7 years of being single and 5 of those remaining celibate I decided to try love again ... AND IT FAILED!!

Let's start with Dante ... what can I say? I am proud of what he's attempting to do with his life (remain employed, stay FREE and pursue his music career) but there are things I would love to see him implement with a bit more sense of urgency. I won't go into his personal life because after all it is his but he knows what my issues are with him. Praying he can get it all the way together and by 30, if not before, can maintain a healthy life of and on his own.

The weight gain... YIKES!! I left the VI life in 2014 shortly after my son was released. It's been a rough road maintaining. I have to find another focus point to get me back on track. When I started back in 2012 my cardiologist recommended it for health reasons. Most of us hear that from our medical professionals all the time but ignore it. Had my son not been locked up and had 2 lovely little girls I'd probably have done the same but I knew they would need me. How would my son survive behind bars without me? How would my granddaughters know his side of the family without me? I had to make sure I was here to keep that going and once he came home it all went away. My heart seems fine so far and you'd think to keep it that way I'd act right BUT nope, that won't do it especially when I am up late studying and have those late night cravings. This all ties in with the Pescatarian lifestyle as well, no more animal meat just seafood, vegetables and other stuff. I joined the FitBit family so I am hitting those 13000 steps daily, most time it's close if not over 20K due to the line dancing. Being diagnosed with asthma in my 40's has been a mode killer as well. There's nothing worse than struggling to do what you've been use to doing all of your life ... BREATHING!!

That's enough for now ... I'll come back for the school, count down or up to 50 and the love life talk!! I have to study some more for today's exam! This Communications Law and Ethics class is something! This is the last week of school for this semester and I am taking the summer OFF!! California and NOLA travels are on deck and I don't want to have class assignments on my mind during my fun times!

Tootles until we BLOG again! I may even VLOG now ... who knows!

Happy Tears - Mother of an Incarcerated Son

There are ALL kinds of tears but the ones I love to experience are those of joy, HAPPY TEARS! I received a letter from Dante' today and I have to say I love his maturity level. He has come a LONG way and I pray daily this he sticks to this frame of mind when he is released. If he does I can see great things out of him and for him.

Even as he sits in solitary with nothing but a cot and a toilet and anything he was allowed to bring from his cell he STILL has an up beat attitude. I remember when he first began his sentence he was always so angry and spoke like the world owed him something. I enjoyed his letters to a degree back then but enjoy them all the more now that he speaks so positively. He's had such a negative spirit for so many years it's almost hard to believe this is my son but I know ALL things can be done through Christ. It's being done!

Back in the day I use to want Dante' to hang out with his sister and I all the time. He didn't want to go to the mall just to window shop, ride through the city just to get out of the house or go to a Jaguars game to get that NFL experience. My daughter was and still remains my ride or die but it looks like we may have a new tag along!

He has expressed how it's going to be movie time for MONTHS when he gets out. There are so many movies he wants to see and can think of no one better to watch them with then 'Velnette' herself. *laughs* That's my middle name, he's such a funny dude. He has requested cheese pizza with stuffed crust, cheesy bread and NO SODA! He requested that I not be drinking them either (I don't)!! He said whenever he thinks about chillin with me he gets to feeling like a kid again! His first day home, he wants Golden Corral and an Ex Lax! That truly cracked me up; put it in and push it out!

He then went into the how am I, how's mom outside of his affairs. He knows that he and his situation are time consuming but he wants to make sure I am enjoying my life in my down time. He was never this considerate and this shows growth. I am so happy right now to see how the Father is working on his behalf and in his life.

He has a 2nd mother, Lisa, that he mentioned. I am so appreciative of this here woman. When he needed that motherly advice that he felt he couldn't get from me, things he wanted to share that he felt he couldn't share with me she was his outlet. Some mothers would be mad but I am forever grateful, just as he is, for Lisa because I'd rather him have her in his corner than him to get what he felt he needed totally from the streets. He called Lisa an ANGEL and mentioned that she's been there since day 1 like they dated instead of he and her daughter. This does my heart well to know he has another mother in his corner. Thank you Lisa.

He than preceded to talk about how his father and I are getting up in age and when he gets out he wants to take advantage of the time missed. It's been a long journey getting those 2 together and I am so thankful that they've been able to talk and work things out. I can't wait to see them have a relationship, all sons need their father no matter their age.

I could go on and on with this letter but I won't, just know that right now the HOLIDAY BLUES have been over come with HAPPY TEARS ... our time is drawing nigh and I CAN NOT WAIT! 2014 truly has something for me, for us! All of these troubles began in 2007, it'll be 7 years next year ... the year of completion! It's all almost over! It's been an awfully long journey but as the light gets closer I am thankful because it has all made me stronger in self and stronger in FAITH!

Holiday Blues - Mother of an Incarcerated Son

I want to start by saying HAPPY HOLIDAYS to any and all who read my blog. I observe Christmas but in light of the diversity on the world wide web I strive not to offend anyone.

By now you know I'm the mother of an incarcerated son named Dante'. He is housed in a correctional institution in the upstanding JUST-US system of the great state of Florida (said with ALL the sarcasm I could muster). No, as I've said numerous times before, I am not disputing that my son should be there but those of you news watchers and readers know ALL to well why I mock this wonderful system in place here in the sunny state.

Dante's release date as of today is 07/08/14 but can be earlier with any gain time accrued. I can not truly contain my joy in knowing this'll soon be over nor can I hide the fear of what is yet to come for my son, the African American felon. These thoughts have marinated in my mind for about 2 months now and it has made this holiday season even harder to enjoy.

Days leading up to the holiday season were really tough for me, not only do I have an empty nest and an incarcerated son I am also single ... talk about a PROZAC moment!! No, I'm just kidding but it can be really stressful and almost depressing watching those you love and are surrounded by enjoy the hustle and bustle of the holiday season with loved ones and not be able to enjoy it that way. It's been the same every year since 2009 so I move on and get over it but it doesn't stop it from being a major thorn in my side or pain in my chest.

Dante' has been in solitary confinement since the week of Thanksgiving. It seems he has been in confinement for the past 2 seasons because our last holiday pictures together was in 2011. You'd think that since my son has been in and out of trouble for a while and in prison since 2009 I'd be over it but I'm not. I sometimes wish it were that easy but its so far from it and most will never understand unless you've been in these shoes.

I have a daughter, Deondrea, who returned home in 2010. I've not spent a holiday with her since 2009 and that just puts the icing on the cake of my Holiday Blues. Its funny how as parents when our children were younger we wish them out of the house but when it's time for the EMPTY NEST it is NO FUN!

I am extremely grateful for my 2 grand-daughters the Heavenly Father allowed Dante' to produce. It has been an absolute joy watching them grow which has also made this 66 month sentence fly by. Miss Daysha Michelle and Miss Mi'Jael Chaylea have been 2 of the best gifts I could ever be given. Spending Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with the 2 of them lifted my Holiday Blues for a little while but as always it comes right back. Looking at my grand-daughters knowing they are an extension of my son, seeing characteristics and mannerisms in them is a tear jerker for me. They are my little angels and I wouldn't trade my Vann girls for nothing in the world!

God willing, this will be the last holiday without my children, my family and the Holiday Blues will prayerfully cease to exist.

Mother Of An Incarcerated Son - OH WHAT A SCARE!!

As the mother of an incarcerated son, nothing grabs at your soul more than having an unknown number with the prison area code to call your phone. As I sat staring at the number my heart beat faster and faster, I actually began to sweat. When I answered it was a Mr Mathis from Baker Correctional Institution ... the prison where my son is housed. Now at this point all types of thoughts began running through my mind.

Earlier today, one of my good friends told me one of her relatives was killed in prison in GA recently. A few weeks ago a young man from Duval, who my son reminded me I'd met with his mother when they were both in D.D.C., was stabbed to death in prison. No, he was not housed in the same facility as my son but as a mother and knowing these types of things can happen is very frightening. My son has told me he's seen such incidents since he's been in prison and at these thoughts I almost began to hyperventilate. I had to check myself though because I have a Father who sits on high and looks down low so I began to pray. I asked my Father for strength to deal with whatever I was about to hear. Now reading this, it seems like a lot of time was passing but it all took place in a matter of seconds

After Mr Mathis gave me his name, I immediately asked "is my son ok, is something wrong with Dante'?" He responded quickly with NO Ms Tillman, nothing is wrong and he is just fine. I was calling to invite you out for FAMILY NIGHT on November 14 from 6-8 pm. Now y'all know I have to give myself an Albuterol treatment, right? I have worked myself up for nothing but that's the nature of this beast I am a part of for a few months more.

After a wonderful conversation with Mr Mathis and a moment of getting myself together I immediately went into action. I had to make sure I had a way to get there. The granddaughters are already in place of course and one of their mothers AND her mother are lined up to go. I just had to share how scary this ordeal really is for a parent, especially a mother. Children do not fully understand until it's too late that while they do time so do we! Thanks for listening and be blessed!